I’ve heard it since I was young.
Boundaries are important.
I can remember as a middle schooler in GEMS (Girls Everywhere Meeting the Savior), our counselor was teaching on relationships, or something of the sort. She explained how you needed to know your limits and have them set before hand. Otherwise you are a whole lot more likely to cross those lines when things get heated and hormones take their course.
As a young girl I listened to this very closely. Not wanting to do anything wrong that would displease God. But also being very confused. As a 8th grader I didn’t know of all the things that could happen between kissing and having sex.
For those of you that don’t know..a lot happens between these two things.
I walked away from GEMS that night knowing one thing. I didn’t want to have sex before I was married. But I walked away unsure about a lot of things, and being too terrified to ask that one question.
How far is too far.
You see we live in a culture where sex has become normalized, but talking about sex has not. Talking about it has become shameful.
I knew sex before marriage had to be definitely too far. But what about everything else? What was okay?
It wasn’t until being here on the World Race, living with six other girls that I learned that it is okay to talk about these things.
Chances are you aren’t the only going through a sexual sin. If you never talk about it how are you ever going to heal from it. If we don’t share what we are going through or where we have been. We will never have the chance to help someone else.
Some of us have made bad choices which led to losing the one thing we promised to keep, some have been raped, some have deep struggles with masterbation, some were addicted to porn, and some have slept with more men than they wish to remember.
We are all women, daughters of the King, made as sexual beings. We live in a fallen world, where sin abounds, but it does not win.
We admit to having done it wrong, God created us as sexually beings. With a perfect design for that to be between husband and wife. NOT with your friends with benefits partner. NOT with your boyfriend. NOT with yourself. And NOT through images on a screen.
A couple months back as we were sharing testimonies as a team. One of the girls said someone explained that it isn’t how close you can get to the line. It should be how far are you running away from the line.
That line has been playing in my mind for quite some time now. As of right now I know God has me in a time of singleness, because I know I can serve Him best while being single. If God wants me to stay in a time of singleness I am more than happy to be just me and Jesus for as long as He wants. But, the truth is I’m going home very soon. And going home means the chance of entering back into the dating world is very possible.
This is terrifying.
I have gone on many dinner/coffee dates this year. Majority being with women. We joke, asking questions all the time of “would this be acceptable on a date.” My all time favorite question was from my teammate Faith. She asked, “is it acceptable to order dessert on the first date?” I told her I normally don’t but going home I would if it was triple chocolate meltdown.
I have learned the importance of praying for my future husband, even though it is very possible I have never met him. I have learned that being the “bad boy” isn’t always attractive. I have learned that seeing someone who knows their identity in Christ, someone who has a passion for Christ, now that is attractive. I have even changed my special request of being a certain height, to being able to play guitar, drums, or piano. (this is not a deal breaker)
But it did take me till month 10, sitting around a table in our little courtyard that has a rat the size of a cat, to come up with boundaries.
Thankfully, they look a lot different this time around.
If you wouldn’t do it with the high school girl you mentor around, you probably shouldn’t do it alone with your boyfriend. -our guideline
