Way up in the mountains of Lesotho, they have a saying. A saying that because they are so high in the mountains, they can hear God better. Now obviously I think this saying is silly, knowing that where you are in the world doesn’t play into the ability to hear from the Lord. But, I still found myself loving the old folks tale. It pushed me to want to dive deeper, wanting to hear God’s voice and all that He had for me.
I’ve grown up my whole life a Christian. I think it was in first grade when I accepted Christ as my Savior. I can remember being in bed scared to fall asleep, I was afraid I would die in my sleep and not go to heaven. That night my mom sat on my bed, she held her hands out saying, “It’s just like a gift you need to accept, you don’t have to do anything. Jesus is knocking at your heart and you just need to let him in.”
Now, even though I was a Christian from a young age fear was already a challenge. I always had a plan for any situation. If someone would break in the house I had an escape route planned. Any scenario, I probably had thought it through. I realize this didn’t do me any good. It made me focus on the bad things and become fearful.
One of my biggest fears is not being liked. I know the truths, I know I’m a daughter of the King. That’s right, I am a princess. I know I was made in God’s image, the crown of creation. I know I am fearfully, and wonderfully made. I know that I am Christ’s beloved. So loved that He would die for me. I know all these things. But, I can get distracted, I let fear and worry creep in. I start to think more about what others think of me than what God thinks of me.
This fear has caused some really hurtful things. It formed a strong people pleasing attitude in me. Wanting others to be happy has caused me to do things I don’t want to do, and things that I don’t agree with. Another fear I have is not succeeding, basically a fear of not being good enough. This was one of the reasons I stopped trying in school, because if I intentionally wasn’t trying, there wouldn’t be any room for me to not be good enough. I was choosing it, therefore in a way I wasn’t failing.
There is so many fears I have, I could go on and on. Two months back I was challenged to give up fear. It has been a hard journey. When something is so deeply rooted, it doesn’t go away over night. I have never read through the entire Bible. So I don’t know this for sure, but something I have heard quite often is that the Bible says -do not fear- 365 times. That is one for every day, God telling us do not fear.
This month I took bigs steps, I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I do know I have no reason to fear. I can also now say that if the Lord is asking me to go back to school, I’m not scared anymore. If that is where He wants me, take me there. I’m really excited to pray and press into where the Lord would have me go after I return to the States. And I am excited to keep working on this silly thing called fear.
