Coming into the race I was convinced that during this trip the Lord would drastically change who I am. The whole point is to become who the Lord intended you to be right? In Malawi He decided to rock my world but not in any way I would have imagined. In Malawi the Lord started to redefine a few words for me that have always come with negative connotations. As He started to do that I was still caught up in the idea that there needed to be a drastic change; so much so that I spent a lot of time being confused and hurt because I couldn’t figure out what the big change was or how to go about being this “new” person the Lord was calling me to. Then as the month came to an emotional, crashing end I started to finally see what it was He was trying to teach me. This trip isn’t about turning me into someone new. This trip is Him giving me the understanding of who He made me, who I already am, in taking ownership of that. He is using the race not to change who I am, but to give me the space to see who I am and walk that out in understanding and confidence.
It is amazing to me how complicated we like to make things that turn out to be so simple. We make things complicated because we think if it’s easy it can’t possible be the right way to look at it; especially when it comes to the fundamental of who we are in Christ. Something I have heard a lot on this trip is that we give ourselves too much credit. After Malawi I couldn’t agree with that concept more. We often overlook what God is telling us because we are convinced that it’s our own voice for one reason or another. At some point we need to step out of that mindset and trust that the Lord does speak to us and trust that even when we stumble through what He is saying, He will redeem us and get the glory He intended from a situation.
The main word that the Lord redefined for me last month that I struggled to understand and realize fully was Meek. It was a hard word for two reasons, 1) because in our society meek is thought to be a negative trait, it’s often seen as a weakness, (I actually just looked up the definition for meek on my computer and some of the words that popped up were lowly, coward, weak) and 2) a few people who heard the word spoken over me reinforced that negative connotation by getting defensive and telling me I’m not meek; they wanted to make me feel better and tell me that I am a strong person, but instead they left me more confused. Instead of taking the thought that I’m not meek and walking away from what was spoken over me I decided to take it to the Lord and do some searching for the real meaning of the word meek. Looking into it led me to Psalm 37:11 “But the meek shall inherit the land and delight themselves in abundant peace.” Right away I wanted to defend that meek couldn’t possibly be a negative word if the bible says “the meek shall inherit the land” and not only that but they will “delight themselves in abundant peace,” who doesn’t want abundant peace? The lies of it being a negative word were still fighting in my head to overtake this one verse. So I kept going and I borrowed a teammates study bible to see if there was a clearer definition in the margins and I wasn’t disappointed. The definition given about the word meek in this verse was just what I needed to understand the word more clearly, “Meek- those who humbly acknowledge their dependence on the goodness and grace of God and betray no arrogance toward others. Great peace. Unmixed blessedness.” After I grabbed hold of that definition the Lord started to place people in my life who affirmed what I was learning. Also as I was having another word redefined for me I was lead to 2 Corinthians 10:1 in which Paul describes traits of Christ, “I, Paul, myself entreat you, by the meekness and gentleness of Christ…” After that I could no longer see meek in a negative light. If it is used to describe Jesus I can’t find a flaw in also being described as meek.
