almost two weeks ago we were having team time in honduras. we were sitting in a make shift circle on lawn chairs, hammocks, and a short brick wall. our ministry host started walking out of the house towards us and told daniel that jeff had called his phone but could not get a hold of him. immediately i felt this sense of its about me. daniel grabbed his phone and walked away to call jeff back and in my head i was going through the people i loved trying to figure out what the call could be about. as he walked back over to us he came and told me that my sister had called about my dad having surgery tomorrow.
right from the start i was not totally surprised. my dad had told me that he was going to have to go in for some tests to see if he needed a day procedure for his heart. but that would not could not warrant this call. something happened. something was wrong. i was trying not to go into overdrive. trying to seperate last year from this year. this is not mom, her case wasnt normal. this doesnt mean he is going to die. i was reapeating that over and over in my head. we were in a pretty rural, kinda mountainy area so the phone connection was horrible when i called my sister, but she was able to tell me that he went in for the test and the blockage was so much worse than they had ever assumed. he was not being brought in for an emergency surgery, it was planned for the next day. this is not mom, her case wasnt normal. this doesnt mean he is going to die.
when i lost service i walked back over to my team. they all looked up at me, only knowing what daniel had been told, that my dad was going to have surgery. i gave them a quick run through of what my sister had told me and went to sit back down. as soon as i sat down i started crying. it was dark and i was trying to be quiet, afraid to let out everything i was feeling with people i had only really known for 3 weeks. after everything that happened with my mom i stopped asking the question “why” it doesnt really help. on this side of heaven we dont always get to know why. so instead i just kept praying that my dad not only know that i love him, but more importantly that he knows that God loves him. over and over all night.
the next day after out ministry host found out what was going on she had me use her phone to call in the evening after my dad was out of surgery. my sister told me the surgery went well. everything was on track of where it should be. i could finally believe my mantra, this is not mom, her case wasnt normal. this doesnt mean he is going to die.
throughout this whole situation i have been praying that God uses it for His glory. that something Kingdom worthy comes out of it. for me, i am learning to trust God is a whole new way. with mom i trusted God, but it is a completely different experience being a world away and not being able to do something so simple as holding his hand. also i have been able to open up with my team in a new way because of this. i have been so encourage by their prayers and hugs.
the next day while my dad was in surgery i had a conversation with a teammate. she said something to me that gave me so much peace. she told me that before i left for the world race that God knew that this was going to happen. when she said this, the truth of it blew my mind. God knew what was going to happen. He put me with the people He knew i needed to get through this. He is in control so i do not have to worry.
Dad- please know my heart is with you. i love you so much. not an hour goes by that i am not thinking of you and praying for you. i love you daddy.
