I have had a really hard time trying to put my training camp experience into words. Then a week turned into two and now a month and a half later I’ll give it a go…
The best way to describe my heart during training camp is to look at Ecclesiastes 3:4.
“a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance”
The first few days of training camp were really hard for me. Even with so many people around I was feeling very alone. Even though I had felt called that God was leading me to the race I was feeling doubts. Without knowing it, I was still in mourning. This is the part that I struggle to explain. When I hear “mourning” I think tears and black funeral clothes. But, mostly, I think of the very first stages of grief. Being in that stupor and only functioning on autopilot. That is not where I was at all. But my heart was not ready to dance yet either.
Around day four things started to turn around. There was no exact way to pinpoint it, but my heart was craving God in a way that had not felt capable for a while. Also we started to have a lot of dance parties. That may seem a little random, and at the time I thought nothing of it. When I got home I did not want to stop dancing. Everywhere I went if there was music I was dancing. At the gas station, in the kitchen, in the mall…I settled back into life and went to church the following Sunday they spoke on Ecclesiastes 3:4. Deep in my bones this resonated with me. There is a time to mourn. And, there is a time to dance. Right now is my time to dance and every time I get to I am filled with so much joy.
