The World Race changed my life. Truly it did. But it’s hard for me to say that now. Don’t get me wrong, I still say it. It’s been almost 4 years since I did the World Race and I’ve realized it’s one of those statements that’s completely true, but almost misses the point entirely.
I wrote this in 2014:
“It’s pretty toasty in our Indian apartment. I attempted to take out the trash again tonight. Only this time when I threw the bag over the balcony trash flew everywhere because I had forgotten to tie it shut. (Yes, this is how you take the trash out in India minus forgetting to tie the bag shut). I went inside quickly and closed the door. Oooops. I hope I didn’t hit anyone on the floor below.
Her laughter spoke back to me, “But you are here and you do catch me. I am safe.”
She did it so many times that by the end I was giggling at her delight in the rush of falling. My heart was seized by it and I wanted to do anything I could to make her laugh. I set her down on a yellow board with wheels and found one for myself. Pretty soon we were zooming around the room, me dragging her around by her feet as she lay back on the board.
I would stop for a second and she would lean her head down onto the floor and let out a laugh that shook her entire body. I couldn’t stop trying to make her laugh. This went on for 30 minutes. Every time I stopped she would let out a deep, rich belly laugh that delighted my heart. Every time. I marveled at her simple ability to enjoy. For those brief 30 minutes I was dancing on the edge of heaven.”
Over five years ago my plans were invaded as I was pursuing getting into a Physician’s Assistant program. I resented the collapse of my plans and had no ability to see where this new path was going, the path that brought me to the World Race, Adventures in Missions headquarters, then squad leading, and back home. I am now almost done with my first semester of PA school. Here I stand, completely brought full circle.
I realize now that in some ways I had everything turned upside down. I thought unplanned people and adventures were a detour from the “straight and narrow” plan of my life. I see now the “straight and narrow” plan of my life came from my need to be perfect (perfectionism) and it threatened to take me away from the crux of life… unplanned people and adventures.
I was afraid my lack of control would prevent me from doing what I was supposed to do. Surrendering to Jesus felt like dying, dreams seemed to self-combust, and joy felt like it was sapped from life. Yet what I discovered is that those feeling were only temporary. I was rescued from myself and given the gift of unplanned people and adventures. I was given life. And that all along, without me knowing it, I had a Father listening to and answering the deep, true longings of my heart.
The World Race changed my life because now all I want is Jesus. These are the things I learned.
I asked God for strength, that I might achieve,
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health, that I might do great things,
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy,
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men,
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life,
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among all men, most richly blessed.
-The Confederate Soldier’s Prayer (as far as I know, an unknown author)
