Recently, I have been so consumed with money. I am student teaching this semester and I am unable to work like I have every other semester of college. I wasn't making thousands of dollars or anything, but I loved the security of that paycheck coming in every month. So now, I have no income coming in. That's not even to mention the fact that I'm fundraising for the World Race and have to raise $15,500 and then money for gear, shots and insurance. I keep finding myself thinking "Okay, if I can get to this number in my World Race account, then I will feel better". I've never felt so consumed with something as I have with my fundraising these past few days.
But today as I was enjoying my day of student teaching, God opened my eyes to my captivity. I am absolutely captive to money. I want to have a nice, cushy bank account. I want to have my favorite foods in the fridge so that I can have them every day. I want to bring 20 outfits when I go on vacation so that I can have options depending on my mood. I have a cafeteria at my college that has incredible amounts of food, but I complain if they don't have the food I want that day.
I'm totally content in my captivity to money until things start changing. I no longer see the money in my bank account that I want to see. I now have $15,500 to raise and I have no idea how it's going to happen. All the sudden, things have changed and money is consuming me. The Lord reminded me of a man in the Bible who I never wanted to be able to identify with, but now I'm finding we have a lot more in common than I'd care to admit.
"I've obeyed all these commandments," the young man replied. "What else must I do?" Jesus told him, "If you want to be perfect, go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." But when the young man heard this, he went away sad, for he had many possessions." (Matthew 19:20-22)
I used to see this story and think how silly that young man is. He came to Jesus and asked what he needs to do to have eternal life. He gets his answer and it's not what he wants to hear, so he turns his back on Jesus. How does that make sense? So what, buddy! You have a lot of possessions, but if you give them up you'll have ETERNAL life. Not 70 years on earth, but ETERNAL! How can you look at your money and the things you own and rather have them than life?
But oh how awakened I have been. I am the rich young (wo)man. My loving Savior is asking me to hand over my chains to money and possessions to Him. Not so I'll be miserable and miss out on all the fun, but rather so I can have LIFE. Real, true, rich, satisfying life. I don't want my story to end the way the young man's does though. I want to do what Jesus called him (and me) to do. I want to see the Lord provide and fulfill all my needs in ways I've never expected. It may not look the way I want it to, but His ways are so much higher than my ways.
"Then Jesus said to His disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is very hard for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. I'll say it again- it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!" The disciples were astounded. "Then who in the world can be saved?" they asked. Jesus looked at them intently and said, "Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible." (Matthew 19:23-26)
I can't do it on my own. Me trying to get to heaven by my works or trying to be free from money and possessions is impossible for me. I am a camel trying to get through a needle. But praise the Lord that anything is possible with Him. He can turn this heart that has been in chains I didn't even realize I had into a surrendered follower of Christ. What does this look like for my life? I'm not sure, honestly. But I do know that I'm learning what surrender in my life looks like. It's messy, but it's exactly what I need to do. I want to look Jesus in the eye and say, I choose YOU. Every moment of every day.
