It has been a month since returning from training camp and I am still trying to process everything that I absorbed in those 10 days. There was many challenges, much pruning & ingrafting, and alot of empowerment that was spoken over myself and the squad. There was one activity in particular that impacted me in a way that brought me to the knowledge of the infinite love of the Lord:
the SURRENDER WALK.
While at training, staff took us to Unicoi State Park in Georgia for one night and two days.On the second day we were asked to take a morning of solitude to be with the Lord. We were challenged to get in a quiet spot in the park, without the distractions of people, music, or the things around us; just being present and listening to His still small voice, writing down anything we heard from Him.
I came across a beautiful lake with the mountains as a backdrop and laid on a wooden dock, soaking up His creation. While I was laying there I heard Him say, “I lead you and guide you because it is My very Name. It’s who I AM. When you surrender, you are literally being led and guided by Me. I won’t abandon you. I can’t abandon you. My very name is Shepherd. In Me you are steady, and you cannot be shaken.”
It was a beautiful, much needed time of being captivated by the One who captivates me.
After eating lunch and taking some down time, the squad was driven to a site about 5 minutes from where we were staying. We were each asked to grab a log and a sharpie. Our challenge this time was to get alone with the Lord and write down all of the things we needed to surrender to Him. On one side I wrote things such as relationships, comfort, control, independence, pride, and jealousy; on the other side I wrote my life for His. I knew what this meant but it wasn’t until later that I started feeling the weight of that statement.
Before I started what I thought would be a pretty simple trail, two of the coaches, Michael and Kathy, prayed over me. Michael prophesied that this season I was entering would be a time of renewal, like when I first came to know the Lord. This was huge for me to hear because for almost 2 years to the day I have been going through a long, dreary winter. He’s been taking me out to bring me back in, and it’s been good, but in no way has it been easy.
I started the trail and immediately God spoke, “I have begun the renewal process. I am placing in you the ability for Kingdom to ignite through you into others lives. The past season you thought you failed- walking out in anger, judgement, not walking out in love- were actually things I needed to take out of you, my child, before I could place integral things in you. I never saw you as a failure. I’m going to do great things in and through you… if only you believe and allow me.”
As I continued walking I understood the symbolism behind this trail: carrying the weight of things only God can carry and how that slows us down when obstacles come. The trail led back to our campsite, where I assumed that this was the end. Wrong! That would be far too simple, and in no way symbolic of what happens when we continue down the path of control. As I kept walking, I quickly realized that the orange markers that led us in the direction we needed to go were not meant to be walked. And how true it is that so many times I go places I’m not supposed to walk; I basically had to climb up the side of a hill, through a bunch of shrubbery which led to the main street. Again, facing the many obstacles I put myself through when I don’t let go and let God.
This point, thus far, was the most difficult challenge for me because I had my bible in one hand, water bottle in the other, and the log wedged underneath my armpit. I needed my hands to climb up this incline. What was I going to do? I needed to get to my destination, but couldn’t because of the weight I was carrying. Hmmm. Just as I started to go through the thought process in my head of how I was going to maneuver this, Lindsay asked if she could help me. Out of pride I wanted to say no, but out of humility I said yes. This was huge for me because I don’t like admitting I need help, and in the past allowing someone to help me while in a vulnerable position would have made me feel like a failure. So, as I humbly climbed up I began to see a hand stretch out from the main road to help me up. Not that I never knew this, but the realization of how important it is to trust really sank in, and that not only do I need to rely and trust in God, but I need to let my brothers and sisters fight for me as well.
Once I got to the top I was elated because God had already spoken to me so much. Little did I realize that that was only the beginning…
Stay tuned for part two!
