Rejection has always played a huge part in my life.
It started when I was a little girl and I wasn’t good enough to have the attention of my father (which I would just like to say, my father is a completely different man now and loves me fiercely).
When I “could always do better” in school even though I swore to my parents that I had done my best.
When my uncle, the only real father figure I knew passed away suddenly, 4 days before my 10th birthday. I knew that he didn’t leave me on purpose, but I convinced myself that I was somehow at fault.
In school, never being pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, funny enough to win the attention of those who were “popular”.
In the church, never picking the right songs when I led worship, being too emotional, being to rambunctious during the service.
I somehow spent so much of my life searching for approval, for acceptance, and never truly finding it anywhere.
Even years after Jesus showed up to pull me from the deep, dark pit I had been living in, I still gazed longingly at the promise that one day, I would find someone who would love me. REALLY love me.
On the race, my root of rejection came up a lot.
I would think that I had dealt with it, and then whatdya know,
4 months later, there it was again.
It dictated absolutely every decision I made.
It stole my freedom.
I was talking to God about this in shower today.
The shower has kinda become my secret place with God seeing as on the race, it’s the only place you’re really ever alone, and I guess the habit has carried over.
So anyway,
I was talking to God about something pertaining to my potential future,
and there was so much friction in my spirit because of this deep-seated fear of rejection.
I was explaining to God how I couldn’t go through with it because it was just going to break me in the end, just like all the other times.
I went on and on about how I wanted it, but I wouldn’t get it, so I might as well buck up and get the heart break over with,
when out of the blue,
He spoke.
And all He said was
“You’re accepted.”
Boom. Roasted.
I ended up sitting on the floor of my small, stand-up shower sobbing at the simplicity of it.
I’m accepted.
I am accepted.
I don’t need to be afraid of being rejected because I’ve already been accepted.
That’s the bottom line….
Wow.
Even as I type that out, tears fill my eyes at how beautiful that small truth is.
Amazing…
So today, I am declaring that I am accepted.
And that I am worthy of all that He has planned for me.
I am worthy the dreams and the desires He’s placed in me.
Fear doesn’t exist.
Take that, satan.
