I am writing this blogpost partly to keep myself accountable and partly to challenge you, dearest reader. But mostly to keep myself accountable, because I am very guilty of not being present.
It was repeated over and over at Training Camp. (Or maybe I just heard it over and over because it jabbed me in the stomach every time.) “Be present.” “Be where you are.” “Stay present.” Sometimes it took on other forms. “Put your phone down.” “Limit the time you spend on your laptop.” “Don’t even bring it.” Sometimes we made excuses for ourselves. “But you told me I have to blog twice a week!” “How will I keep my supporters up-to-date?” “What if I can bring God glory through Instagram?” I believe all those excuses can be valid – but not to the extent where we can’t make sacrifices to our own constantly-connected way of life. We had one alumni tell us to completely cut out social media, and some of us were offended by that and didn’t even consider it (me included). I’m not saying that we have to go to that extreme, but perhaps we should consider the things that fall to the wayside when we spend too much time on the Internet.
I can’t tell you what “too much” means for you. We all have different levels of online engagement. The Internet does have meaningful information and relationships to give, as well as inspiration and entertainment that I believe can be worth our time! I want to see carefully considered moderation, respecting our actual face-to-face interactions just as much as or more than our face-to-screen interactions. I don’t want my initial awkward-social-situation reaction to be to pull out my phone and scroll through Facebook or Instagram or Tumblr. I hate talking to random people or to people in general sometimes, but I’m gonna challenge myself to start conversations. (I’m bad at that. Words are hard. Conversations are hard. People are hard.)
It doesn’t even have to be about the Internet. Being present also has a lot to do with your mindset. I wish someone had told me to be present earlier! I’ve spent many a break at home just longing to be back in Pittsburgh, where I felt like I’d made a home and a life for myself. I thought that was where everything important and meaningful and true was. I lost precious time that could have been spent getting to know my family better because I moped around and didn’t put any effort into being present at home. I even considered that maybe I had left God behind in Pittsburgh, even though I “knew” that nothing* could separate me from His love. Maybe I interact with Him and experience Him differently when I’m at home with my family, but that doesn’t mean that He’s not here. The steps I made towards Him at school seemed to all be reversed every time I came home because I just couldn’t seem to find Him here. Pushing through the status quo of where I was before college and fighting the expectations that everyone had of me at home probably would have been incredibly rewarding, but I chose to stay stagnant and not be present and engaged in the here and now.
The biggest thing, though, is that I don’t want to miss out on the small moments and memories that are happening right here and right now because I’m too busy looking to the future or dwelling on the past. The countdown is on! I have 37 days left with my family and friends here to make the most of our time together. I want to create memories and be intentional with the moments that we share. I also don’t want to miss out on what God might do in these little moments. I want to be present.
From my squad leader Amanda’s comment on a squadmate’s blog post: “Presence is the stuff that turns a happenstance or event into a moment.”
*nothing: “neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation” -Romans 8:38-39
