Testimony. It’s such a powerful word. It’s a “to the best of your ability” play by play about the highs and lows of your life. It means something more to people because they know it is not fabricated because of the sentiment of expressions given on your face, the emotions articulated in your speech, and the body language portrayed. Below is my brief testimony that I gave when I spoke to my home church in Sycamore. I will warn you, most of you will not like it. It is expressive, extremely sensitive material and gets better as you read so please don’t lose interest. It is deeply personal but now it is for the world to see.
When I was six years old I came to bethel. I had straight across bangs, stick straight hair and bows the same size of my head. I was independent and bossy. My brothers would be the first to tell you that not much has changed. In elementary school, I attended a youth camp in Carlinville. That is where I gave my heart to the lord. I am not sure what age that happened at but every summer after, I went up to that stage in front of everyone and kept giving my heart to the lord every summer after that one. In middle school, I got baptized. In my church, we believe that being baptized is a choice that you should make on your own. It is a public declaration to everyone that you intend to live a godly life to the best of your ability. To walk like Jesus does. We are not objected to baby baptism but we believe that making the decision yourself is an important step in your faith. So I did when I thought I was ready. I wore a yellow dress with a yellow cross necklace; yellow is my without a doubt favorite color. My pastor dipped me into the water basin and I came out cleaner than when I went in. (That was a joke, I hoped you laughed). In high school, I didn’t have too many problems living a Christian life. I knew what was right and wrong. We all sin. I developed some bad habits but I was following a good, Christian moral compass. In college, that changed. I went to a Christian school my first year of college. Before I left, I got really sick. I ended up having mono for 8 months and weighed 93pounds for most of my freshman year. I was awarded a soccer scholarship and because I was sick and not getting better, I lost the scholarship and my spot on the roster. I wasn’t doing well academically. I was by no means failing but I’m not a C student. Some of the people I met who claimed to be Christians would act like differently behind closed doors. This shocked me and disturbed me the most. It seemed as I just had all my doors close while at that school. So I transferred. I went to soccer and played soccer for two more years. I didn’t play much and at night my body would ache. My joints would hurt, my muscles started to strain, and my back was too sensitive. I felt as if I was ageing a year overnight every night. Throughout college, science classes that I was very passionate about and really good at seemed like another planet to me. Until I switched majors and then it came naturally. It seemed like the only thing going well was my relationship with my boyfriend at the time. To say I loved him would not do my passion any justice. I would have done anything for him and to make sure he was happy even if it meant true sacrifice. All I am going to say that it was best that it ended but before it did the troubles started to pour down heavily. I remember sitting there and saying to myself, I will not let this end. I will not give him up. God must have heard me because our relationship started to change and I felt less and less important has the days passed. I felt like I was pouring everything I had left into a relationship trying to hold it together where the other person kept stepping back and back. After four and a half years, it ended and I was broken. I’m not going to go into the darkness I felt but I think this was the worst loss I have ever had up to this point. I have never really heard God’s voice out loud as some people say they have but I feel as I get his thoughts in my head. He spoke to me and said this was not the life that he wanted for me. When I was broken, he said let me show you true brokenness. It says in Proverbs 16:9 “the heart of the man plans his way but the lord establishes his steps.” I threw my actions wildly into his hands. He led me to The World Race. I applied. I got accepted. I was quickly learning that living the Christian life was not one of limitations but liberation. I did not always choose his ways because I thought my plans were better but God continues to show me that he chooses me.
The verse that always stops me dead in my tracks is John 15:16. “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit-fruit that will last and do whatever you ask in my name the father will give you.”It’s hard to choose him and trust him. The moment you do, it will be peaceful. It was for me.
My Closing statement: Life will never be easy but do something that will make it worth it.
