I leave Phuket, Thailand in 7 days; this is a reality I do not know how to handle.
This month I have made relationships. I have poured more of myself into them than I ever thought possible. I have prayed for them. I have woken up during the night with them on my heart. I have called out their names to God. I have cried for them. I have felt their pain, their abuse. I have heard their life stories. I know them. I love them.
I leave in 7 days for India.
So far this month, I have not let God break my heart for these women.. for Bangla Road… for Phuket… for Thailand… UNTIL NOW. My heart breaks. My soul cries out for this country, this city, these roads, these bars, MY FRIENDS who are held captive.
A bar on Bangla road
Jenny (my teammate) and I spent four hours with Java Wednesday afternoon. We ate pizza, drank coffee, and talked about our lives. We talked about how we see ourselves, our weaknesses, and just encouraged each other. If I had to describe Java in two words: STRONG and BEAUTIFUL. She however, does not fully see herself this way. She wishes her skin would be white (like mine). It breaks my heart. Again and again I am and will be reminding her of her beauty INSIDE and OUT.
I met her at a bar the first night on Bangla Road. Right away we made a connection, and I knew that God was up to something great. She is so honest and REAL. She radiates.
It is so hard to imagine leaving… trusting God to pour His love on my friends here in Thailand without me. It is humbling. I believe whole-heartedly that God is going to open her heart to Him at some point. I believe that. I just want to so badly be here to watch… to watch her feel His love, to see herself as He sees her.. for her eyes to be opened to His FREEDOM… but I will leave and trust HIM.
Me, Jenny, and Java out to lunch!( Name is changed and her eyes are blocked out so we don't exploit her)
As I walked down Bangla Road tonight, God opened my eyes. He made my heart break, but in the midst of my pain, He restored my hope; my hope for my friends here, these streets, this town and this country. He reminded me how strong and mighty HE is. That He is here. He is watching. He is moving. HE WILL ONE DAY PUSH OUT AND KICK OUT THE DARKNESS here, and everywhere for that matter. Oh how amazing my Jesus is. How powerful and LOVING He is.
It is not easy having my heart broken, but I know that it is good. It fires up my spirit. It makes me PRAY more, MOVE more, TRUST more, and SEEK Him more.
7 days. 1 week. wow.
