There are a lot of decisions thrown at you throughout life. From the smallest of things like what socks you want wear, to the giant + looming questions that feel like you’re staring into grey, thick fog– such as, what are you going to do with your life?
“Allie, why did you decide to go on The World Race?” The first question and first thought of most everybody I talk to– why?
This question makes sense, but it is difficult to answer. Why?
Just the other day I was riding in a grey jeep with my friends Austin and Liv coming home from UDF (great ice cream– definitely recommend) and when we pulled over, instead of asking me why I would do it, Austin asked me why I would stay home. He asked me what would keep me from going.
Fear.
When I am 60 years old and looking back on my life, what I will remember, all of the snapshots and conversations and people and events and memories and laughter, will all be choices I made. I will look at my life and I will be the only person to have regrets or to have such joy in those decisions. One of my prayers is that I will never make decisions out of fear.
I don’t want to be misunderstood– I think fear is healthy. Being fearful can be a good thing, and it can keep you grounded and realistic. I am not saying to go run into oncoming traffic just because you are scared, or jump back into an unhealthy relationship because you are afraid.
What I mean, is that for me personally, I want my faith to be bigger than my fears. I want to trust God more than I trust myself, and I want my choices to be in faith, not in fear.
In a more realistic sense, if I were to do anything like this, now is the time. It is now- with no commitments, and no excuse not to go. I am not in school or dating anybody, and I will not have a full-time job. If I were to pick up and leave for a year, it would be now.
When I was thinking about this and looked at this upcoming year, even still when I look at it now, I see a year blanketed in fear and anxiety. I see a huge giant question mark. I see me, staring up at an unclimbable, too-tall, too-steep, too-scary mountain. I see a lot of questions: How will I fundraise? Who would actually support me? Will my team like me? What if they don’t? How do you even pronounce the names of these countries?! What will my family think? What the heck kind of vaccines do you need? Where do you even get vaccines?! What happens after?
God, do I trust You in this to actually show up?
When I am 60 years old and looking back on my life, I want to say I did the hard things, I made the scary choices, and I lived my life out of faith. I want to say that at the very least, I tried. The God I choose to serve is bigger than any fears or doubts I have, and we are not created to live in spirits of fear, but in spirits of freedom.
So, here I am. Trying. I am walking through doors as they are being opened, and living with hands wide open. I am living in expectant trust, which is challenging always, but I am already learning. No matter what happens or how this turns out, I will be able to say I tried and it was worth it.
So I guess when people ask me why– I want to say, why not?
Love Changes Everything | Red Rocks Worship
