December meant a lot of things for me: a new team, and new country, a new ministry, and a new season. High on a peak in the mountains of Swaziland is El Shaddai, a home for children who have been orphaned, abandoned, and abused. I had the privilege of spending my December there. My time at El Shaddai was hard in some of the most beautiful ways, teaching me more about myself, others, and the Lord than I could have ever expected. Every child has a story of brokenness… More than one child lost their parent to disease, one boy was beaten and found hung in a tree, five siblings were abandoned at their home and forced to care for themselves, two brothers were children of a prostitute who was unable to care for them. But every child also has a story of redemption because of El Shaddai and the evident power of God’s love. Africa has absolutely unnerved me by how much unfathomable brokenness and despair can coexist with such unimaginable beauty and redemption and grace. Some days at El Shaddai were challenging and filled with frustration, but every day held joy and a reason to celebrate. While trying to get to know some of the kids I was rejected and ignored more than once, by that reminded of God’s relentless pursuit of me even when I turn my back on Him. I have a journal full of page after page of the memories from El Shaddai, like washing clothes with sweet little girls, which was really just dancing around in a bucket of soapy shirts. As all World Racers understand, I have left my heart in yet another place.
One of my favorite days of the year is December 25th, and this year was no exception. Instead of sitting around the Christmas tree with my family of five, I celebrated with my 37 brothers and sisters and 75 orphans. My heart just about burst with joy.
The week before Christmas we went to house visits on the mountain. My team went to the home of an elderly woman who took care of 6 children. After talking and praying with her, we gave her a small bag of food and supplies. She said thank you and then her next words struck me. “Now we have something to eat on Christmas.” In that moment, I realized that I will never understand why I was born into such luxury and so many others were born into such poverty. But I am starting to see that Gods goodness and glory will be shown in any and every situation. It is ridiculous for me to think I should be able to limit God to something I am capable of comprehending. So instead of being mad at Him for allowing such suffering, I rejoice in the ability to do something about it. On that day I was more grateful for this season of giving than ever before, but convicted, knowing that I should live with my hands held open all of time, not just in December.
It was my squad’s vision to give these kids a Christmas they would remember forever, with presents and actives and treats. But you need money for that kind of thing, which we didn’t have, so we started a fund for people back home to give toward. And somehow I got put in charge of it all. My squad mates and I posted statuses and pictures and blogs, hoping that someone would donate a substantial amount of money. We had to shop on Saturday and on Thursday I went into town fully believing that when I checked my account the balance would exceed at least $500. To my dismay, we only had $175. I was crushed. I acted like everything was okay, but later when my teammate Drew asked me how I was, I of course burst into tears. I felt like the weight of giving these kids a good Christmas was on my shoulders, that if I couldn’t raise the funds, I would let them and the squad down. By quoting the Grinch, Drew reminded and reassured me that Christmas isn’t about what we get, its about the birth of our Savior, and that every kid was going to have a good Christmas regardless of what that number in my account balance was. I felt a little bit better, but the Enemy was still stealing all of my joy. Later that night we had squad worship. My teammate Madison prayed over me and without knowing what all had been going on that day, she prayed that I would give God control in every situation, trusting that He’s going to come through, and that I would have a joy that surpasses understanding. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I immediately felt that weight lifted off of my shoulders and a peace that only comes from completely trusting that God is in control. I realized I had no need to worry, so probably for the first time in my life, I didn’t. Two days later, the day we had to buy everything, I checked the Christmas fund. There was more than $800 in it. In less than 42 hours God provided more than $600. We were able to buy every child a towel and a washcloth and print pictures of them and their buddy, along with way too much candy, 96 cupcakes, and supplies for field day with money left over. Praise God through whom all blessings flow!
Christmas day started with Secret Santa and cooking a huge breakfast for the squad. Esi, Verner, and Siboniso helped and we had way too much fun dancing to Christmas music and making pancakes. Later that morning we opened gifts with all of the kids at El Shaddai and little ones from the baby house. My heart was so full as I watched each of them light up when they were handed a pile of gifts. I cried because I was so happy. Each child received the towel, washcloth, and picture from my squad, along with gifts from their buddies and clothes, toys, backpacks, and school supplies from El Shaddai. Their joy was contagious. After lunch we held the first annual Christmas Olympics at El Shaddai. The kids split into teams with different colors and cheers and played games at different stations, one being a live nativity scene. At the end we added up team points and declared a winner. Then we all celebrated by decorating cupcakes with icing and candy and had a great time eating them. To end the day, my squad had a delicious Christmas feast and a night of worship, declaring and celebrating all God did that day.
My squad had a great Christmas, one we will never forget. Every December 25th we’ll be reminded of our Christmas in Africa, where God showed up and moved. But my squad mate Zach wanted more than that, to know how the kid’s Christmas was. So he sort of interviewed his buddy Mfanzile, who is 16-years-old and wasn’t the easiest to love. Zach asked Mfanzile what he thought of Christmas and he simply said, “We should be happy for this day always. Not because of presents, but because of the birth of Jesus.” If Mfanzile could tell our squad one thing it would be this: “Thank you for making this day great. For spending time with us, showing us love, and showing us how to treat our brothers and sisters.” He told Zach that we brought joy. He said this was his favorite Christmas at El Shaddai.
As they always say, Christmas isn’t about what you get but what you give. This Christmas that became real to me in a way I couldn’t have imagined. But I realized its not about the gifts you give; its more than that. Christmas is about giving more of yourself. More of your time, more of your joy, more of the gifts God equipped you with. And I don’t think we should die to ourselves and give just on Christmas, but every day after. So what will you give?
