Despite the incident that we encountered outside of Soi Eric, Krissy, Catherine, and I decided to enter the bar in order to visit with some of the women. We only had a few minutes to speak with the ladies of Soi Eric, but I wanted to make it a point of visiting Joy; one of the bar-women I had made a connection with. The moment I entered Soi Eric, I felt heaviness-something seemed different to me. The bar was the busiest I had EVER seen it and my heart dropped when I took a closer look at the “Bachelor.” I thought I saw Joy with a “customer,” but it turned out that it was a different girl. Although it made me sad to see a girl with a man I knew was bound to buy her, I was relieved it wasn’t Joy.
I spoke with my friend for a couple of minutes and then began to leave. Catherine, however, felt we needed to check on the girl that was being harassed outside just a few minutes prior; she just wanted to see if she was okay. So Catherine and I (Krissy went to visit another woman) walked though Soi Eric, looking for the white male and little Thai girl.
As we were making our way through the waves of people, I could not help but to notice how many drunkards there were. Most of the guys my age were taking shot after shot and some were even dancing on the poles in the bar. Many of the men were so drunk that they were slurring their words and weaving back and forth- a man old enough to be my grandfather could barely stand straight. I also saw an older man screaming at some of the bar women over who knows what. Although we saw a lot during our five minutes searching the bar, Catherine and I could not find the Thai woman. By this hour it was time to head back to Starbucks where we would meet up with the rest of the team and go home. We met back up with Krissy and left Bangla Road. I felt lost after my experience that night. I started to think back on all the times I have been hurt by men and how I used to despise them-that night, Satan started to use those old feelings to twist my thoughts.
During feedback, I became emotional as I retold the experience I had that night. I admitted to the fact that I was angry-“Why was this happening?” Throughout the next few days, I really dove into where these strong emotions were stemming from.
“We are like onions; we are constantly peeling back the layers,” something my mentor had said numerous times-but I REALLY thought I was over this.
The Lord is good, though-and everyday is full of new mercies…
One morning I woke up and it became crystal clear what was going on. Jesus felt like it was time for me to be broken again and even though it hurts at the time, beautiful freedoms come from it. I am not going to go into detail about what the Lord showed me (I’d like to keep that between God and myself) but I will say HE revealed himself in a way that brought light into a dark area in my life.
The Lord also revealed to me what a true man really is-you would think I would have known this by now, but again, I am like an onion. I realized how blessed I am to have a wonderful earthly father and an incredible brother; something I should NEVER take for granted. The Lord also brought it to my attention of how amazing the men on my squad are-they are the true definition of what a “Man of God” really is.
Praise God for revelations.
Praise God for brokenness.
Praise God for freedoms.
Thank you Jesus for revealing yourself to me.
A wise man once said, “If God chooses not to fill us, He has something to say through our emptiness. The only one who ever come up full are the ones who are willing to be presented empty.” -John Fisher
Enough said.
