A few weeks ago, I started reading blogs that spoke about some of the hard times racers are having in the middle of their race. I read about five different blogs about being broken, and I started getting nervous. I had known some of these racers before they left, and I knew how excited they were before they went to launch. Words that I had heard alumni racers speak and words that I had read in blogs started to actually hit me.
This is not going to be easy. This is going to be hard; this is going to be really hard. There are going to be times that I am broken, times where I can't stop crying, and times that I am just tired. I will be tired of not having the convinces of this privileged life that I have always led in America.
For the first time I started to get scared, I was getting anxious about these upcoming months.
Let me tell you a little something about me… I don't get scared much. Anything with an adrenaline rush, I'm in. If you challenge me to just about anything, my competitive side kicks in. Tell me I can't do something, and you better believe I will. Give me a problem, and I will fix it.
With that being said, it took me about 3 days to realize that all my worrying was not doing anything to help. The only thing I could do to change anything that is going to happen in this next year is to not go on the race. Frankly, I am laughing at the mere thought. That's not even slightly an option.
I realized that I had been nothing but excited about the World Race since I got accepted, and I had read all these "scary" things in other blogs even before I applied. I knew it was the enemy trying to make me worry about something that I have no control over. I made the decision that I wasn't going to let the enemy get me discouraged.
This past weekend, God revealed to me that He had something even better in store for my mindset entering launch. I was visiting friends in Nashville, and went to the church I attended in college. We read from Matthew 16:13-28 and the message was about God's agenda. Too often we think up our own perfect plan for our lives and pray to God that our life turns out how we plan, but the truth is, our perfect plan isn't God's plan at all. His plan is so much better. The problem is that we are often too stubborn to let God's agenda ahead of ours. In Matthew 16:21, When Jesus told the disciples that He must go to Jerusalem to be killed, Peter rebuked Him. Peter told Jesus that His death would not happen. Jesus responded by saying, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man." We do not know what the product of God's plan is going to be, but we do know it is going to be good.
When we follow God's plan there is sometimes pain and suffering, but He never promised that there wouldn't be. Even Jesus had to suffer on the cross in order to follow through with God's plan. Imagine where we would be if He didn't. The greatness of the suffering is that after it is over, God's agenda is the one that ends on top.
Jesus tells us in Matthew 16: 24-25 that in order to find a life in Jesus we must die to ourselves first.
"Then Jesus told his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.'"
My mindset going into launch is one of renewed excitement. I am excited for the places we will go, for the people we will meet, and for the relationships we will grow. I am excited for the opportunity to spread the love of Jesus, and introduce people all over the world to our savior. I am even excited for the suffering and pain. This is not going to be easy. This is going to be hard; this is going to be really hard. There are going to be times that I am broken, times where I can't stop crying, and times that I am just tired, but if it means allowing God's agenda to go ahead of my own then I'm excited for it. If it means allowing myself to die to myself in order to be alive in Jesus, then let's do it!
I don't know what the World Race is going to look like, but I know it is exactly where I am supposed to be this year. The World Race is a part of God's agenda for my life, and I am excited about every minute of it!
