“Ali the phone’s for you.”
I walked across the room and heard my squad leaders voice on the other line.
“We got a call from the emergency line.”
My heart began to race. As it raced, it sank deeply into my chest. And I thought for a moment it would never come back up. Lost forever in the abyss.
My mom answered her phone. “I don’t know how to tell you this Ali… your sister Danielle died last night.”
I went numb.
I do that sometimes. In those moments where I’m expected to feel everything, I just don’t. Is there a button I can press? One that actually makes me feel what I’m supposed to. One that opens the floodgates. One that takes me off autopilot.
Growing up, we didn’t know about her. She was a secret and so were we. My Dad had her earlier in life, before our family. And he chose to live a life unattached to her.
When I turned 18, I chose her. I wanted us to be in each other’s lives. I have a sister I don’t even know I thought, how crazy is that?
So I got into contact with her. And I met my 5 year old niece for the first time. I started a relationship with them because I wanted to. Because regardless of other people’s choices, I had my own to make.
It’s been 5 years. And my sister and I had grown a deep love for one another. I’d visit them and we share gifts and stories, and parts of our lives. My niece learned to call me Auntie Ali. And we became family. She never treated me as a half sister. Never resented me for anything. She just wanted to love me.
And then she got sick. And she was in the hospital for a month. She was getting better.
No one expected her to die.
Even the doctors were surprised.
I’ve never lost someone close to me. I didn’t know what that felt like. And being on the other side of the world at a time like this brings a whole other dynamic. None of it feels real.
I’ve always lived saying, “if you were to die tomorrow, what in your life would you wish you had done differently?”
That’s why I chose her.
Even when my dad didn’t. Because I knew life is precious, and I didn’t want to waste it.
If I had gone my whole life and never had a relationship with my sister, I would have regretted it. But I was able to swallow my pride, and the pride of others, and have one anyway.
Against the odds, and all of the excuses, we became sisters.
She loved me more than I could ever tell you. Someone I didn’t have to know, but wanted to. Someone I wish I could see again. Someone I’m going to miss more than I even realize right now.
I love ya sis.
I’ll see you in heaven.
