PASSWORD: WRali
Something that I’ve been learning lately is how to really feel. The world race really asks you to process your emotions, something I didn’t realize I didn’t do very much. Each week, we’re given questions that encourage us to reflect. What do you think about this, how did this make you feel, how can you grow here? Questions that you have to really think about and really process through.
All of this has made me realize how much I don’t give myself the time to think. We’re so busy living and just trying to catch up, that we don’t recognize the pieces that we leave behind. Constantly being in a state of reflection is the most beautful and most ugly place to be. It gives you the time to think about how you feel. Those feelings you can’t wait to experience, and the ones that you never wanted to. I think that’s why we run so much. We run and catch up so we don’t have to think about all of the pieces and people that have really pained us.
I get so frustrated lately. All we do is talk about our feelings and how we’re really really doing. I think it’s been so hard because it makes me dig so deep. And there’s a past down there that I don’t want to bring up. I barely know how I’m feeling, how can I express myself to other people? I try so hard at just being okay. No matter the curve balls life continues to throw at me, I stay in the batters box. I’m still there, swinging and trying, and sometimes making contact. I don’t want to sit down, or strike out. I don’t want everyone to see me fail or to be broken.
But gosh we just need to give ourselves a break. We can’t keep swinging and just trying to hit anything that comes our way. Sometimes we need to listen to our coach, or our teammates when they say “come sit down.” Instead of just being okay all the time, why don’t you let yourself fall. If you let yourself truly feel what you need to, to rest, to reflect, to cry. Then you’ll come back even stronger. You’ll feel lighter and more free. And then you’ll get back up to bat, and hit one out of the park. And it will feel so good.
So that’s what I’m doing now. I’m learning to journal more. To write down my thoughts and feelings and recognize how valid they are. I’m learning to be so self-aware. To think about my past and my present. To see that actually life effects us way more than we realize. We don’t dive into the ocean and come out completely clean. We get lost in the waves, pulled by the current, and there’s still salt residue there even when we look clean.
If you’re reading this I want you to just think about yourself a little more. Taking care of yourself and selfishness are not the same thing. How are you feeling? How are you really feeling? What’s been happening in your life lately? What lies are you believing about yourself? That you’re not loved, that you’re not enough, that no one sees you. What have you overlooked in yourself because you’re just trying to be okay?
Our Father wants us to have freedom. He made you with emotions because He wanted you to use them. We’re not supposed to fight them and just be fine. If you’re angry be angry, if you’re sad be sad, if you’re confused, be that too. Be everything you need to, and then, be happy.
