I wish before the race I would have taken a picture of myself-like the ones people take of themselves once they have joined a gym or started a workout program. Looking at myself in general it’s all pretty much the same, but there are certainly some changes.
Obvious ones like my hair being longer & my summer tan being a little more bronzed from the African sun – but there are also changes I didn’t expect to happen but I have to accept.
The dark circles under my eyes have gotten bigger & stayed for months, my skin is breaking out a bit more than before and my face has a constant tiredness look to it. I don’t really know how my actual body looks-since mirrors are far and few between but I imagine by the way I feel its certainly a bit different.
All of this to say when I say Ive changed in the last five months I mean that in every sense of the word. I don’t know how good of an idea a before & after picture would be for my mental health-but I would like to have one just for a quick glance.
So, this got me thinking of what it would look like if I could take one of these pictures of my spirit too. The before & after of the changes going on inside me of -because although I may look slightly different on the outside I can guarantee the changes going on inside of me would be unrecognizable.
Before the race I imagine my selfishness was a bit bigger, the anxieties & control of my future was taking over a good portion of myself & the box I had God in was being pushed into a far corner in the back room.
But I have dropped some weight of that and certainly gained some better insight on life, God and myself. Jesus is now in the center of my spirit, I have given up the control of wanting to live my life the way I think I should – and learning how much easier it is to let Him be in the driver’s seat. It is only the end of month five and I have already been molded into the beginnings of the best version of myself.
The after picture of myself, already, is a beautiful sight to imagine. I picture and feel it being a whole lot of joy, full of gratitude & thanksgiving, service and a great amount of grace. So, who cares about the changes on the outside-because when I think about the work being done on the inside, when I think about the way Jesus’ hands are molding my spirit into the better-I cant imagine worrying about anything else other than celebrating that beautiful truth.
I cant wait for the full after picture from the inside, from the deepest parts of my heart & spirit, because I promise you what Jesus is telling me is that its going to be grand, and beautiful and completely full of life.
