Think about your biggest fear…whether that is being put in a room full of clowns, being buried alive, going on a roller coaster, whatever it may be. Now think about having to face that fear.
On September 26th, a beautiful Saturday afternoon, Team Parresia had their adventure day. The sun was shining and there was a cool breeze in the wind. However, as beautiful as the day may have appeared, all I could focus on was what I was about to face.
One of my biggest fears of all get out is deep waters, but not just deep waters- crazy, current waters that are uncontrollable. I’m not quite sure where this fear of water stemmed from because ironically enough, I was a lifeguard for 5 years. But my dad has been afraid of the water his entire life. I remember as a kid thinking how silly it was to be afraid if you could just swim. But as I’ve gotten older, I completely understand the straight terror water can be. So Dad, I’m sorry for giving you a hard time, I will never question your fears again.
Anyways, I very reluctantly decided to raft the Nile River because 1-everyone on my team was doing it (I know, I know), 2- it would be pretty sweet to say that I white water rafted in Uganda on the Nile River, and 3-I have this motto on the race to always say YES for whatever opportunities God throws my way. So, everyone was getting prepared with their happy faces on and I pretended like this was no big deal.
Before I get too into the story, let me introduce you to our raft instructor, Sadul. He plays a huge part in the rest of this story, and he had no idea the extent of fear stirring inside of me. He took us through a bit of training and prepared us for the situations we might face along the 3 hour terror ride.
Waterfall number 1 was coming up and I’m screaming at my team to paddle and praying in Jesus name the entire time. We made it out alive and had a good distance to just coast on the water. As a team, we took this opportunity to get to know Sadul. We told him why we were here and we had the opportunity to share with him who Jesus is. However, little did we know, all the things he was about to teach us.
He started telling us who Jesus is to him and all that Jesus did for us and for his people. Sadul said, “Oh I have this great story to tell you about once we get over this next rapid.” He was beaming with excitement, not for the thrill of the ride, but to explain the story he so joyfully held onto.
Rapid number two was quickly approaching. These waves were steep, they were wild, and they were uncontrollable. I was thinking to myself, “We’re going to flip, we’re going to flip, we’re going to flip!” Next thing I knew, my lungs were filled with the Nile River water, I was spinning like I was at Cedar Point on the spider ride, I couldn’t get up for air because my head got stuck under the raft, and I frantically fought for my life under deep, deep, deep, waters. I thought, okay God, if my time is now, take me (dramatic, I know). I fought my way through the current until my eyes saw the light…the beautiful beaming sun that lit up the sky.
Once we all were pulled back into the raft, all I wanted to do was find land and kiss the ground. And it was then that Sadul told us we have a grade 5 rapid (the biggest one) coming up. That was my last straw. The tears came a-flowing and my hands were trembling. I wanted out. Meanwhile, as I was sitting on the edge of the raft with these thoughts, Sadul began to tell us the story he was so excited to share. He told us the parable about the fishing net, then proceeded to tell us about the parable of Jesus feeding the 5,000. He went on and on about trusting God in the small and big areas of his life- through the death of his parents to the wild waves he rides daily.
And as he was talking, the Holy Spirit was reminding me of the constant comparisons God makes between his power and deep waters.
During the storm that Jesus calms, the disciples shout out, “Lord save us! We’re going to drown!” And Jesus responded, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” That was me, a girl with little faith who didn’t think God was going to keep her alive even though he has the power to stop every rapid.
This experience of facing my fear was a test of my faith in the Lord. Sadul kept saying the whole time, if you believe, He will take care of you. And it wasn’t until he was telling the story about the fisherman that God told me I needed to trust him in the big and the small. These waters were fierce, far greater than any human could ever control. My fear was deep, but He revealed to me that my pride was deeper. This experience wasn’t to overcome my fears. It was to overcome the lie I’ve lived with for so long that if I show any sign of fear or uncertainty, I am weak and inadequate. God says, where you are weak, I am strong. And God took my greatest fear, maybe even drowned me a little bit, to tell me that there is nothing more powerful than the God I serve and the God I must trust in to live a life serving without borders even if that means going into deep waters.
Before we finished our adventure, Sadul thanked us, because for the first time, people invited him in to talk about Jesus, and he proceeded to say, “And it’s funny, because I wasn’t even supposed to work today.”
