Plainly laid out before me in black and white was my future, just waiting to be awaken with color. Lines so neatly charted plans and aspirations, but I never felt that I could claim them as my own. Yes, I created them, but they were not meant for me to follow. I couldn’t shake the stirring in the pit of me that made me feel like I was missing something.
When this trip was so carefully placed before me, it didn’t take long before the stirring started to settle and the emptiness began to fill.
The idea bounced around in my thoughts and prayers for months, but when it came to me in a dream I was finally able to see the starting line of the race before me.
When I thought about going on the race I struggled with some superficial fears, as well as fears that I considered understandable. Whether it was the “this and that” of what could go wrong or happen to me, or the fact that I wouldn’t have access to my nightly shower, I had created feelings of anxiety that had the potential to keep me from going at all.
My dream began in an unfamiliar airport and a one way ticket to Africa in my hand. I was heading out for my first journey as a world racer. I arrived in Africa later than the rest of my team, but was none the less cheerfully welcomed into the group. They showed me around the place that we were staying, and then readily began settling in for bed. It wasn’t until then that I realized I didn’t have a single thing with me.
No pack.
No purse.
Nothing.
Just the clothes on my back and a look of confusion painted on my face.
I was shocked. I am a planner. I don’t usually forget things. My memory is more than kind sometimes, so you can understand my complete dismay after the realization of my empty hands and bare back sunk in.
I was quickly taken care of by members of my team, who kindly gave me a place to sleep and words of comfort. As I lay on the floor my mind was a complete blank. I didn’t know what to think or do. Rest finally found me, and shortly thereafter, we were up and Adam to begin our journey to the next location.
We were wandering our way through the woods and across dusty hills when a feeling came over me that has been difficult to describe with words. My best attempt is to say that I was unleashed. Every part of me was released and came rushing out like a flood. Joy overwhelmed my entire being. I have never felt so free in my entire life. This newly found freedom found its way through my body and down to my feet, sending me off like a shot. I was running completely unhinged. Happiness seemed to melt the hardness of my heart and display its uncontainable elation on my face. The things that had weighed me down before were gone and I had no way or desire to get them back. I wove through trees and over obstacles like there was nothing that could hinder me. This feeling was so real and so raw. When I woke up I just lay there longing for that feeling to come back. I tried finding sleep again, not wanting to lose what I had just felt. What I didn’t know was that this dream would be unforgettable.
When I talk or simply think about it, all of these feelings of liberation and joy come flooding back into my memory and get lost somewhere between reality and fantasy.
It is believed that dreams are easily forgotten upon waking unless they are consolidated into words to help us remember them. Without the words they slip through our memories within moments like swift daydreams. I didn’t tell anyone about my dream for weeks, but it has stayed so clear in my mind.
