8 months ago I laid awake in bed. It was a night where my thoughts were getting the best of me. I tried to calm my mind, but the thoughts got louder and louder.
“Should I just go for it?”
“No, I just started working a ‘big girl’ job. I have ‘big girl’ responsibilities now.”
“What if I regret not doing it?”
“What if I regret doing it?”
These were the thoughts that were keeping me awake that night. All about the world race And what I should do. I had been praying to God for months for some sort of opportunity for something new and exciting. But it was scary thinking about it. And as the night went on, I was feeling more and more anxious. I became restless. I was tossing and turning.. And the thoughts seemed to be getting more intense. I felt like one of those cartoon characters with a little devil and angel on your shoulder.
“Just got for it”
“But don’t you have other things to worry about?”
“This is what you’ve been praying for! This is such a great opportunity!”
“you only want to do this to travel. That’s selfish.”
It was exhausting. Before I knew it, it was already five o clock in the morning. I got up from my bed and went to lay on the couch. I saw my bible on the coffee table, so I thought I’d start reading. Because that would put me to sleep, right?
“Come follow me.”, Jesus said. “And I will make you fishers of men.” – Matthew 4:19
I read that verse over and over again. Probably 15 times. I just couldn’t take my eyes off of those words. And every time I read it, I felt like God was trying to tell me something. So I started to think about what those words meant to the disciples.
When Jesus asked them to come follow him, they literally had to leave everything. They were fishermen by trade. It’s what they made a living off of. It’s what they knew. It’s who they were. And Jesus was asking them to leave all of that to follow him. If I had to guess, I bet some people had asked them, “you’re doing what?!” “Is that the smart thing to do?” “Don’t you have bills to pay?”
Then I thought about me. I thought about what those words meant to me. Jesus was aasking me to come and follow him. To leave the life I knew. To walk away from my career. To make the sacrifice the disciples had made. He wants me to follow him so he can show me there’s more to life than what I’m currently living.
By this time, I still couldn’t sleep. But it wasn’t because i was torn between the internal battle that was going on in my mind. It was because God had confirmed what I should do. That night at five I clock in the morning, I heard God telling me that I would go on the world race. I was filled with so much excitement that there was no way I could sleep.
I couldn’t sleep because God was determined to get my attention. When he wants to tell you something, he’s going to make sure you hear it.
Now here I am, less than a month away from launch and I couldn’t be more excited for this season and for what lies ahead.
And to think, it all started at five I clock in the morning.
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