“Control Freak” isn’t a term I would normally use to describe myself. I would normally say that I’m a “laid back, go-with-the-flow” kind of girl, who is willing to take a step back and allow others to lead and take charge of situations.
But that isn’t what God has placed on my heart recently.
While I’ve tried so hard to fight and deny it, when it comes down to finances and fundraising, God has opened my eyes to the fact that I am a control freak.
If you look around my apartment right now you’ll find dozens of post-its with random notes, lists, ideas, numbers & figures, etc. You’ll also find dozens of fundraising projects in-the-works (and a lot of messes to go along with them). And these things alone are not bad things…in fact most would probably say they’re good things, that it’s good to plan, prepare, and create.
It’s when you get caught up in fretting over every penny you’re spending to put into these projects and deciding how much to save and stressing about funds not coming in as quickly as you’d like… It’s when you worry about whether or not you should do this or you should do that to be successful… It’s when you start relying on you to get things done, instead of relying on God and trusting that He will provide… that’s when preparing and planning goes wrong. That’s when you become a control freak.
I’ve been so resistant in taking my normal step back to allow God to lead and take charge of my finances and fundraising… When in reality, it’s not my money. Everything ultimately belongs to God, so why wouldn’t I let Him be in control of it?
So this is me confessing that I am NOT in control.
I no longer wish to wear the title of “Control Freak.”
This time of fundraising and preparing for the Race is supposed to be joyous, not stressful! It’s a time to see firsthand the miracles and impossibilities of God, and learn to have complete faith and trust in Him.
And while I will continue to plan, prepare, and create…I will first seek guidance and direction for each of those areas, and follow through on His terms, not my own. Because our God is faithful, and when He is in control, the possibilities are endless.
