As I took the 36 hour train ride back up to New Delhi a few days ago, I found myself looking out the window, watching how fast everything passed by and how it seemed a lot like life. Things passing by like a blur. I remember the blog I wrote the night before I left for Guatemala. Mixed emotions; like an internal tug-of-war. It almost seems silly now. The things that made me most nervous about coming on this race are now the things that make me most nervous about going home. 11 months away from home, living in community, only being somewhere for a month at a time, living by faith pretty much every day. Those things are so normal to me now. But it’s over. I will never be with these 60 other people, traveling the world, bringing Kingdom ever again. Sure, I will still be involved in missions and continue to share the love of Jesus with others…but it will never be the same as this year, and that makes me feel the same emotions as before I left. Excited, nervous, anxious and a little freaked out! I think my symptoms show that I have a slight fear of the unknown. You see, I don’t really know what will happen when I go home. I had no idea what the Race would be like, but after getting in the groove of travel days, meeting new ministry contacts and learning how to say goodbye without crying my eyes out, it all became familiar. But what about now that’s it’s really over? How am I supposed to say goodbye? How am I supposed to process what I’ve seen and been a part of? How am I supposed to share it with my friends and family?
As I look over this year I realize that I have changed a lot, on the inside and outside. I also know that my community back home has changed. People are getting married, having babies, moving away and starting new jobs. It won’t be the same place as when I left, and that’s ok, but that’s why I feel nervous, anxious and excited. I know when I see people I will have to cram 11 months of life into a sentence. “How was the trip?” “What did you learn?” “What was your favorite part?” The answer to those questions have been haunting me for weeks now. But I’m still ready to come home. I signed up for 11 months and that time has passed. In the words of Jesus, “it is finished.”
The end.
There are so many of you who have followed me in this journey from day one and I appreciate all of your encouragement more than you could ever know. Even though I was the one who personally got to see and experience God working all over the world, you have been a huge part of it. Those of you who donated money, prayed and encouraged me will receive the same reward I do. You are the ones who made it possible for me to go and for that I thank you. It’s been a great year and I feel honored to have shared it with you.
America, here I come!
Team Frontline at our Squad Banquet
**Stay tuned for my end of the year video I will be posting soon after I get home…it’ll be good!
