It began again quietly, almost as a whisper. It meandered its way into my daily routine, fighting for attention, begging to thrive. It’s calling out for change. I ignore it in hopes that my life won’t have to be drastically altered again, last time I felt this restless I committed to the World Race and left for a year on one of the greatest adventures. Restlessness had dragged me kicking and screaming through brokenness, abandonment and into dependence over the course of the race.
I use to see restlessness as a curse. It was the itch I could never fully scratch. It was never ceasing, a disease of sorts that left me unhappy in my mundane life. I tried everything within me to distract me from the feelings that were starting to overwhelm my thoughts. The job I’d once looked forward to daily and loved became like a prison, my desire to be financially successful chaining me to the desk in my cubicle. I couldn’t figure out why the things I’d chased for so long were so unfulfilling. Why they weren’t enough.
Then I found the World Race. I learned that the blessing of that restlessness only builds when I begin to be comfortable and slip into the mundane. When I realize that I need to become a better version of myself. God is calling me to more growth and depth. It’s a risk; one that often scares people (myself included) as everything becomes uncertain and life seems to veer off course from where I thought it would head.
My life since coming home from the race has been a series of transitions; re-entry, moving to GA, CGA, getting married, and now again I am restless. I’m unsure of what change needs to happen to facilitate the growth God is calling me to. Honestly, I’m not even sure what growth is coming. But I am sure that I can’t sit by and continue to wallow in restlessness in the mundane aspects of my life. I need to begin to seek beauty in the everyday regular things in life, and I need to facilitate room for the change that’s coming.
Restlessness has become a beautiful curse. It’s the blessing I often forget and overlook. Today the Lord is bringing me back to a place of seeing the beauty in restlessness.
