OK. It happened. 18 days into being home and I feel lost. Lost is the only word that I can think of to kind of, vaguely, sort of, describe what is going on with me.
Whenever I think about the World Race and all that has happened over the past year, well, it doesn’t seem real. I think I’ve been in some kind of denial about the whole thing. I came back and thought that everything was going to be the same… that I was going to be the same… and neither is true. Here is a tragic example: I went to Wendy’s to order a cookie dough vanilla frosty and they told me they don’t make them any more. My obvious response was, “But you had them a year ago!”
It’s true. It happened. All of it. I know it was all real because when I close my eyes it all comes back to me – all the sights, sounds, smells… all the heart brakes and questions and doubts… all the miracles and grace and love… all of it – in perfect detail. The world was real – is real. But here is real too. And I am really smack dab in the middle somewhere.
I told Him I was confused and He told me He was certain.
I told Him that I didn’t know what was real anymore and He told me that I was crazy.
Yep, crazy…
I love the book of Colossians… it is definitely my go to book, my most read section of the Bible. As I was re-looking it over a verse grabbed me. I’ve obviously read this verse before… I really like it. I think I have even mentioned it in a previous blog… but I saw it like I was reading it for the first time.
Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of Heaven, where Christ sits at God’s right hand in the place of honor and power. Let heaven fill your thoughts. Do not think only about things down here on earth. For you died when Christ died, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your real life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all His glory. – Col. 3:1-4 (NLT)
What is real anyway? God is. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever… He is everywhere… in everything… He IS everything. He is real. He is life. He is real life! He is the same God in Africa as He is in the tri-state… the only difference, really, is just a change of scenery.
“How can you be lost!” I can hear Him asking me… reassuring me… “I’m right here. If I am your life – your real life – then you could never be lost. There isn’t anything you could ever do or think that would drive me away… you’re mine. I’m yours. I am real… your real life. Just focus on me. Draw near, pray, fast, worship, wait, listen… just spend time with me, dance with me… let me love you and romance you. Let’s fall in love again and then everything will make sense. Leap back in my arms. Crawl back up in my lap. Get back down on your knees. Then you won’t feel lost. You just need to get back into the spot where you need to be… where you belong… back to a place of brokenness and honesty and surrender. You are not lost, my beloved. You are right where I want you. I am real. I am your life. You know that. No more doubting… me or yourself…. we’ve got work to do… real work… in the real world… lot’s of people need to know my real love and I need you to tell them. This is real life. Now live it!”
