throwing grammar and fear of man out the window, here are my unedited thoughts…
i don't want to write. so so so so so so so much. so much. maybe this will be easier, typing… it's easily erased. not a "permanent" page in my journal. my mind is full of… not a lot, actually. just a pressing resistance… i don't want to write. fantastic. progress. not really. wow, i'm really sarcastic with myself. if i don't blog, i don't get my cow. i sound so random. i am random. and i'm ok with that. wow, stream of consciousness writing… all over the place. "all of my love and affection belongs to You"
Papa, i've got a headache; i'm tired; and i don't know how to string my thoughts together. i want to write, share, by Your Spirit, not out of my flesh. i don't like how i feel right now. tough. i will not allow circumstances or emotions to control me. say it again.
i will not allow circumstances or emotions to control me. i will choose to WALK in the light. not just think about the light, but WALK in the light with consistency and endurance, in Your grace. please pull me higher. i set my mind on things above. i am not of this world. You've put eternity in my heart. i'm going to dwell on that. i'm going to choose… a thankful heart.
"cause i can't thank You enough…. and i hear You sing to me. I hear You sing you don't have to do a thing. just simply be with Me, and let those things go, 'cause they can wait another minute. wait. this moment is too sweet. would you please stay here with Me, in love with Me a little longer. cause I'd like to be with you a little longer… I'm in love with you." thank You. thank You for loving me. always. unconditionally. in a way that changes me from the inside out. Your love is so sweet and so powerful. have all of me.
HAVE ALL OF ME. i trust You for this journey. i trust You with my heart. i trust You with these lessons. i trust Your hard words. i trust Your narrow way. i trust Your sword. have all of me. have it all. help me to walk it out, to walk in the light as You are in the light, hand in hand with You and with Yours. when i'm tired, when i'm hurt, when i'm blind, when i'm confused, when i'm ignorant, when i'm afraid… help me to keep walking in the light. endurance. consistency. perseverance. true knowledge, wisdom, must be walked in to be fully received, to weave its way into identity. that's what i want. in all things, to the end, i want to walk in love, step by step, through valleys and up mountains, to walk in love until it's so intricately, tightly, beautifully woven into who i am. "won't You let this be a sacrifice. let me dedicate my life to worship You. i'm a lover of Your presence… i was made for love"
