I haven’t changed! What are you talking about? That’s crazy! I’m the same Abbie I was when I left for the race back in January. I’ve made it trough the Dominican Republic, Haiti, Costa Rica, Panama, and South Africa without having some huge revelation or breakdown. I’ve stuck low to the ground, figured all this out on my own, and I’ve got this.
FALSE! CRAP! BOLOGNA! BOGUS! LIES!
In the words of 2 Chainz, “I’m different, yea I’m different”
As I look back at Facebook pictures and my sad attempts at journaling, I see me… but a different version of myself. I see a girl who was super excited for adventure but had no clue how to pair Jesus with that. Someone who felt inadequate to share the gospel. Someone who could barely pray in front of others without breaking out in sweat.
Someone who only knew a handful of bible stories and was confident in telling NONE of them. Someone who thought they had it together and emotions were for the weak. Someone who didn’t let others in. Someone who wanted to understand, but had too much pride to ask for help. Someone who acted strong and okay all the time. Someone who sought the acceptance of others. Someone who NEVER cried. Someone who was lost.
A couple of months ago, I had this analogy that I was that one crazy girl on the Bachelor who was only there to provide entertainment. The girl who everyone “knew”, but no one had any idea what she actually stood for. I felt like I wasn’t here for the right reasons. That I just wanted to have fun. And of course I did!!! How often do you get the opportunity to travel the world, experience 11 different cultures, live in awesome places, eat weird foods, and basically acquire 40 more free friends. That’s everyones dream! But as 5 months have passed and we are half way through our adventure, I’ve changed my views about myself and why I’m really here.
I’m spontaneous and God knows it.
God knows me even when I try to deny it. I always hear about all of my squad mates journey and how they came to the race. And no joke, the answer always includes that they spent weeks or months in prayer. That they knew God was calling them to the race and the entire process was methodically planned out.
Me, on the other hand… I’ll tell you exactly how it went down. So one of my close friends had applied for a two-month mission trip through the same organization. So I thought “hey it’d be so much fun if we went together!” So I applied and soon after was accepted. But during the follow up interviews, I was told I was going to have to go through counseling in order to be fully accepting. Uhhhh…heck no! Back then, there was no way I was going to go sit with some stranger and talk about gushy feelings. So what’s the best option when you’re faced with a difficult choice? Drop out! So I did, I dropped out of the trip.
(plus… I was only going because she was)
About two months later I was sitting in my college apartment living room, watching family guy, eating leftover soup, and playing on Facebook. Graduation was in the near future and I kinda felt that I should still go on the trip. So I googled Adventures in Missions again and as I was sitting there debating what to do, I saw an ad on the side for the World Race. I clicked it and as everyone else on my squad will tell you, the video really gets you. It’s super motivational! It perfectly described where I was. Wanting more out of life and willing to be uncomfortable to get it. So after about 20 minutes of debating and calling my best friend for advice, I applied. No prayer, no deep thought, no pros and cons list, just pure spontaneity.
So looking back in the beginning and hearing all of my squad mates deep spiritual journeys to get here, I just kinda felt less. Less godly, less mature, less everything.
BUT! Here’s my big revelation… Ready?
God created me! He hand crafted my spontaneous spirit. He knew exactly the decision I was going to make and when I was going to make it. He knew it would be quick and giving me more time might have swayed my decision. God had everything planned out perfectly, I just wasn’t giving Him credit for it.
So after all of this, 5 months on the field, when I look at myself I see a more confident woman. A woman who seeks adventure and opportunities for boldness. Someone who has the confidence to say their not-so-welcomed opinions in front of others. Someone who knows what they believe regardless of what others tell her. Someone who can lead others. An initiator. Someone who asks questions and challenges others. Someone who jumps right in. Someone who is vulnerable. Someone who actually cries. Someone willing to be uncomfortable. Someone who can talk confidently about Jesus and about the freedom and grace He offers. Someone who is by no means perfect. And most importantly someone who isn’t finished growing.
I’m a completely different person. Not on the outside, but on the inside. Day-to-day it’s hard to see, but looking back at Abbie pre-race, it’s huge.
Thank you so so so much for your support and prayers!!! I love y’all so much!
If you want to contact me, Facebook is the best way.
Cheers, Abigail Sheckells
