Where: a very empty Guatemala City airport
Drinking: Cinnamon Cappuccino
With: no one
Emotional state: iffy
Sometimes that’s how I start when I sit down to write in my journal. I’m a major experience person and knowing the where’s/what’s/beverages of the current is my way of being placed back in that experience. Remembrance.
Not sure how much I’d like to remember this experience but I know I will, every minute of it. About 2 hours ago I hugged 47 people just before they boarded a plane headed westward. A plane that I wouldn’t be boarding as well. Incredible blessing that I got to sit and love on my O Squad right up until the last minute but cruel irony that I am now sitting at that very exact Gate #4 waiting for my own flight headed eastward…for 6 hours. Whew. Yea, there was sobbing. Yes, the airport staff stared. Yes, I sat on the carpet and waved at that plane.
O Squad is somewhere between here and LA. From there they will hop to Taiwan and finally land in Bangkok for their next season of their World Race: Asia. May, my fifth and final month with them, was so sweet and also a little bitter. Transitions are always strange. But transitions are also necessary. Realizing the “it’s time” truth makes me proud and also punches me in the stomach a little. This squad, these new squad leaders we have trained, they have all they need from me. They have grown into that big coat and now there are new challenges and growth for each of them that don’t require the leadership of Danielle, Ryan and I. Proud. So incredibly proud. But punch in the gut.
Yesterday they blessed the three of us tremendously with a foot-washing ceremony, a roast that made me laugh until my sides hurt, cake and almost 2 hours of hilarious story-telling and tearful thank you speeches. Blown away at the ability of these people to love me so deeply for the past 5 months. When it came time for me to share my goodbye the only words I could express audibly were “I love you” which I know is the most important part, but I wanted to share more. So I want to share my love, my words, with you.
Brent
I hate it when you pick me up when you hug me, but I love that you do it to be the annoying little brother I never had. You listen so well and take small moments and opportunities to bless the people you love in your life. Remember that phone conversation we had in Honduras and I told you I wouldn’t stand for you not fighting for yourself? Please don’t forget that.
Kerry
I’ve never been served so selflessly than I am when I’m around you. From giving up your couch for a bed for me to so genuinely seeking me out to share what’s on your heart. You earnestly seek for His presence, and I have to tell you that you carry it wherever you go. You are a gorgeous daughter of his and you make him proud.
Mo
My Jacksonville twin. I could talk about The Garage and La Nopalera with you for days on end. Such a blessing to have a little slice of home. I knew we’d be good for each other. I meant what I said on the floor of that art gallery last month. You are powerful and also gentle. Use your sphere of influence and boldness with wisdom and act outside that box you’ve been put in in the past. I love you with a capital ‘L’ too.
Andie
The first hug I got from you in October immediately showed me that you, my friend, have the biggest and most genuine heart in all the land. You never ever cease to grab an opportunity to love me. In Honduras I sat on a fire pit outside and as you spoke I saw the sweetness of that big heart, but also the wisdom and leadership the Lord has instilled in you. I can’t wait to see what you’ve created with my paints and to get a giant hug from you in Malaysia!
Neala
I am blown away by your talent more and more each day, with art, words, pictures, etc. You invite others into such beautiful and vivid moments of your life. Don’t ever discount that gift and continue to use it! You are a unique, beautiful and lovely asset to our squad. You know how to carry and wield a quiet strength the Lord has given you.
Kevin
Those awkward worship moments, I have to say they will indeed be missed. Then there was that other awkward moment at that restaurant at month 4 debrief…we won’t talk about that one again, though, even though it still makes me laugh. I do want to tell you, for the 15th time, you are a leader I greatly believe in. You have grown in confidence, honor, boldness and more over the past 5 months and I’m very proud of you. Thank you for not only leading your team well but also yourself. Please don’t stop leading worship. I first remember watching you do that in the DR when we prayed over our house. Sing and play to Him and invite others with you.
Jhacky
My tiny Guatemalan Mija J You shine so beautifully each and every day with the love of Christ. Don’t ever let that be stolen from you or never let that shine diminish! You told me many times over the past week that I love you so well. It’s very easy to love someone well who loves you very well first. Have fun while you lead. Laugh more than you do now. Challenge your team to do the same. You are so delightful to have in my life. Thank you.
David
Your thirst for more and more of our Father is evident every single day. I ask God for a persistent smile like yours! Thank you for speaking truth into my life at any opportunity: bus ride, walking down the street, etc. Thank you for your grace and love even after I attempted to kill you in the back of that pick-up truck in Guatemala! Most definitely cannot afford to lose you, you have way too much life to give to this squad.
Nick
When I said goodbye to you this morning I immediately heard the word “watchman.” That’s what you are. Continue to take care over our squad and be a watchmen for them. The second and most important part I want to ask you is to not only care for, but to challenge each of them into new and scary things. Can you do that? I believe you can and so does the Lord. Thank you for honoring me as well as any other person that comes into your life very, very well.
Moni
It wasn’t the topic of amazingly delicious Peruvian food that made me love you. It has always been your heart and your freedom. Ask anyone on this squad and they will tell you that your dancing is the most mesmerizing and lovely things to watch. Please remind yourself often of the things God has given you that make your heart beat, the things you love, the passions you possess. That is the real you, and I pray the beautiful, real you will live on strongly in this next season.
Sarah
Thank you for accepting any opportunity to serve with great love in your heart. My favorite thing to watch you do is goof off and laugh, especially with Rick. You two have a sweet love and it’s wonderful for other people to see. Thank you for the way you lead your team just by living out example.
Rick
I’ve especially loved the times we have gotten to bond over cooking in the cocinar! “The Nod” will be passed along to you, to bless each team you are a part of and carry on my legacy. Thank you for serving me and anyone else with a willing heart. I want to encourage you to make people laugh more, you’ve got it in you! The jokes! Have fun the rest of this year because it will move so quickly.
Taylor D.
I remember sitting on that couch with you in Costa Rica, watching your heart break, and knowing you would make it out on the other side. And you have. You’re doing this damn thing. Don’t lose sight of the really important things this next 6 months: laughing until you cry in your bunk bed during pillow talk, iced coffee and the people that have become family and love you oh so dearly. That last one includes me. I love you oh so dearly.
BLove
You sat in the chair across from me at training camp and cried and said “this is harder than I thought it would be.” Well, I never doubted if you’d make it, and I believe your heart is becoming a little more whole than it was the past couple months. Remember to laugh just as much as you pray, because I think that’s another form of worship for you. Love your community. They love you.
Dan
THE Daniel Pedron. I can’t tell you how thankful I am that we figured out how to be friends. Better late than never, right? I’m so incredibly proud of you, Daniel. You have heard the call to step up for your life and Man of God, you’re doing it. Now you have been entrusted with great leadership, not just in the title, but hold it and steward it with great weight, the good kind of weight. I’ll miss your shower singing and hugs. Don’t worry, the minute preseason starts you’ll be constantly updated on scores and news. Football season won’t be complete without you and Trish. #teamJax #MuMu #sweetnfreaky
Katie
Mrs. Ringelspaugh! This sounds weird, but when you teared up at the airport my heart felt so full. You love me. And I love you. Thank you for reminding me to smile always. Thank you for reminding me that I am believed in. Thank you for loving me. I cannot wait to come visit you and Steve wherever life may take you two love birds. Know that you’ll have an Abby showing up on your doorstep at some point. Just because you guys are a couple that I absolutely love.
Steve
Mr. Ringelspaugh! Steven James! You and Katie have been such joys to have in my life since the minute I met you two. You guys show others what it looks like to love marriage. Your laughs, your sweetness, your trust in each other, it’s been lovely to watch. I want you to continue to challenge yourself and others in the questions you have to ask and the desire for more than you have now. You lead from a place of humble wisdom. That’s a gift.
Kathryn
My sweet and lovely Kathryn. My mermaid hippie. My barefoot friend that always meets me with the most needed of hugs. I miss you terribly. You could never be too clingy, so don’t leave me, k? Kathryn Carol Root, you are a complete gem that I thank the Lord for. Thank you for being a woman that loves so deeply, that laughs so weirdly, that thinks and wonders so abundantly. You are someone that others need in their life. You reminded me who I was countless times. So I want to remind you. You are strength and beauty and lots of lovely things. And I love you. Let’s dance to Electric Pow Wow in Malaysia.
Tanja
I never would’ve guessed how weird and also wonderful you were when I first met you. But thank you so much for showing me that real side of you! You continuously make me laugh, sometimes I’m laughing at you, but still it’s great. You bring such joy and ease to your team and you show others the Father’s love so well. Next year, I’ll show you around Spain if you show me around Switzerland, deal?
Trish
Trishy. Not sure where to start here. But I probably shouldn’t make yours an entire page long, even though I easily could. I cried harder than I have in a long time saying goodbye to you, and I’d rather not have to do that many more times in life, saying goodbye to you needs to stop. Thank you for choosing me, especially when I don’t deserve to be chosen. Thank you for lying on kitchen/garage/tent floors with me. Thank you for crying with me. You have to do this thing. And I want you to see in you the things I see in you. Because they are bigger and more wonderful than you can even imagine. You are the one I want to have in my daily life. You are someone who carries Jesus. You are one of my favorite gifts. Best. Sloth hand hug. All the things. Lovelovelove.
Becca
When I think of you I immediately want to cry and also swell with such pride at the same time. Fighting for you has been the best decision I could make. Watching you fight for yourself is even better. Lying on our bedroom floor with our feet up in the air was my first wonderful memory with you, and I’m so glad it’s not my last. You not only can, but you already have chosen to do this thing really, really well. Be the support to your team and Liz that you know you are. Stop circling and go to the peak of that mountain where the sun is.
Lindsey
I know I keep mentioning this, but remember that walk we took at training camp? Remember who that girl was? And look at you now! Lindsey, you are always, always a pleasure to sit and chat and laugh with. Take what you’ve worked so hard to solidify in that head of yours and transfer to your heart. You’ve been told so clearly what you’re made of and I can’t wait to watch you walk every day in that. I’m so thankful we have become friends. Thankful for you.
Liz
Oh Elizabeth. I’ve shared more awkward but fantastic moments with you and your weirdness, but that’s how you know I love you. I need you to believe in yourself as much as I do. I need you to share yourself with others, because you shared yourself with me and it was the greatest. And because I know you’re great I want others to see it too. Don’t let anyone or any thing diminish the true things that you are: wise, hilarious, intelligent, a weirdo, etc. You have been such a wonderful surprise. Thanks, dear friend.
Lu
Oh Lu. Even though that week in Haiti was one of your worst, I wouldn’t have wanted to spend it with anyone else. I’d do it all over and over again, but let’s just bond by spending healthy time together, not at shady hospitals. Next time you find yourself sitting on the ground with your face in your hands, just picture me crossing my legs and sitting inches in front of you, wiping your tears and telling you I love you. I love the woman and friend that you are: discerning, fun, bold, etc. I can’t tell you how much I wish I had one of your hugs right now. Soon. Two months. I love you, Lu.
Taylor Ruckel
You were one of my very first one-on-ones. Sitting in that driveway in Dominican I saw how mature beyond your years you are, how much you feel for the people you love and how much I was going to love you. You are made of big and powerful things, Ruckel! You taught me all the time. I watched you and felt like a proud big sister. Keep your palms open and up for the things the Lord is going to give you this year. You’re here for more than you know.
BB
I immediately smiled when I thought about what to write here. I’m thankful for that night in February when I loved you so much that I also wanted to punch you in the face. No one else will get that but that’s ok. I know and always have known what you were able to take, that’s why you got the tough stuff early. I’m so glad it made us the friends we are now, instead of pushing you away. I don’t worry about the squad and one of the reasons why is because I know you take such good care of your family/community. Thank you for also taking good care of me. Love you.
Kiersten
I love your humor. I love your realness. I love how confidently you speak and live. I wish we had more one-on-ones like that one by the pool in Costa Rica. I told someone the other day that your humble confidence is something to watch and admire. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but it’s real and it’s a wonderful gift. You are all these things and more and I pray that you don’t forget it and you have people in your life to remind you. Thank you for always making me laugh with your witty faces and one-liners. They’re great and so are you.
Elle
Who else gets an all-day hangout with me, but you?? That was great. A double scoop of ice cream at a Honduran mall is always a good life decision. You are a bold woman with a soft and sweet side. I want you to use that to meet people where they’re at and also demonstrate that it’s possible to balance both with maturity and grace. You can do that. You are doing that.
Marisa
Maris! You were a favorite from right off the bat, on that porch in Georgia. I could sit and laugh with you all day. You’re my red lipstick twin and SoCal spirit animal. Thanks be to Jo for bonding us in the first place, and thanks be to Jesus for switching your squad, because I wouldn’t have wanted a Marisa-shaped hole in the past 5 months. Thank you for your wisdom and for always making me snarkily (not a word?) laugh. I’ve watched you live out the leadership gifts you possess in a silent manner, and they are being tweaked and refined in a fantastic way. Can’t wait to see you in two months. That’s when you can give me that green skirt.
Lee
Did you think we’d be friends? I didn’t know for sure until Honduras. And then I KNEW KNEW 100% after we paired up to the most-dominating-est Fish Bowl team in all of history [Insert victory dance here]. Boom. Too much greatness in two people. I’ve watched you act as a leader since the beginning of this year and I’m proud to watch you act it out now if an even more obvious way. I may have weird days where I feel like throwing a handful of markers at you, but it’s all out of an overflow of my love. Love you!
Meg
Meggers. I think it was sharing that room with you at our first debrief that made me realize I loved you. Also, your sleepy sloth face. That makes me love you lots. Because it’s just so precious. You are more than a source of laughter, even though you do that so well. You are a phenomenal leader and friend, your heart breaks for others’ pain, you unashamedly walk in the lovely identity that Christ has given you. You’ve got this, Meg. I love having you in my life and I love you!
Gwen
You so selflessly love me, whether by your hugs, or your encouragement, or your servanthood. You never seem to have a bad day, but if you do you don’t let it hold on to you. You live above the fog and steadily walk each day. We first bonded over our love for the beautiful gift of coffee, so make sure to scope out the best cup for me in Malaysia, ok? Love you, Gwendy!
Jay
Oh man, how much did you break my heart with those tears at the airport? So much. Thank you for being willing to cry with me. Thank you for letting me climb on the roof and share your zebra blanket. Thank you for painting with me, even when we talk or don’t talk. Being around you is just a wonderful thing. I have no doubt that you have started to see the Jay that I know you are, that’s an absolutely fantastic thing. I pray that you will continue to see her, and love her, the way you deserve to be loved.
Jess
It was Shauna [first name basis, because she’s our bestie] that first connected us, and then countless things after that as I grew to know you. You just kept getting better and better and I loved you more and more. I laugh harder when I’m around you and I am reminded to like myself more when I’m around you. Oh the stories we have shared. Some that others shouldn’t ever hear. This sounds weird, but I love it when you cry, because I can see your heart even better, and it’s so beautiful. Except when we cried saying goodbye, that was the worst. You, Trish, Kat and Dani were the absolute last ones I wanted to say goodbye to, but I can’t wait to say hi again. Party bus. KL airport. July 28th. Be there.
Savannah
Thank you for sharing my weird love for the sloths, my only regret of our friendship is that we didn’t go to the Costa Rica Sloth Sanctuary together. I love listening to you talk about the things you are passionate about. I love watching you realize more and more what those things are and what a gift from God they are. I, without a doubt, believe that you will obtain those goals and 10 years from now I’ll come visit your ranch. Please continue to inspire others with your creativity, your imagination, your intelligence and your pursuit of Jesus.
Taylor Russ
You were the very first person I ever met on O Squad. I sat on the ground outside the AIM lodge and heard about your job in financial aid and we shared a love for art history. And after 5 months of getting to know you more I love you even more now. I’ve watched you realize the vastness of the Holy Spirit and step into listening to his voice in many new ways. I pray that home will be a soft place for you to land, full of newness and lovely things. I pray that you will be supported as much there as you are with us. Love you.
Dorien
You are one of my favorite people to sit and chat with, especially when we can sit outside on the ground while we wait for a broken washing machine to work. Your poem to me is something I will treasure always, I’ll read it every night before bed, I may even get it tattooed across my forearm, because nothing says “white, Christian girl” like a forearm tat, right? In all seriousness, thank you for allowing me to be someone who can speak into your life. I have valued getting to know you and I miss you tons already. European tour 2016, yes? Yes. Love you, Dorien!
Jarod
I had no clue what to expect from you after training camp, but you have blown me away in the best way. Thank you for evenly and solidly living your life every day. Thank you for being 100% you always, no matter the circumstance or situation. I don’t know if you know how strong of a leader you are to others, not just through logistics, but also through your servanthood and your faith. I challenge you to another tomato food fight in Malaysia just like Dominican.
Kourtney
My front porch swing sittin’ Southern friend. When we shared a room month 1 I knew I’d really like you. Thank you for sharing niece and nephew stories with me. Every time I would get reunited with you, even if it was just for a short time, you would always make me feel so special and loved. I see you as a bold and decisive woman, which are things that you probably already know. But what you need to be reminded of is that you are also compassionate, a safe place, beautiful and more. Remember that.
Nicole
One of my favorite memories of you was when you shared your prayer for my mom with me. That was on a day where I missed her more than usual and I was so loved by your love for her, someone you didn’t even know. Also, your intense love for everything Christmas, singing wintery wonderland-y songs while sweating and digging a massive hole in Honduras, that’s also a favorite memory. Thank you for your words of encouragement and love. Have confidence in the Holy Spirit in you and continue to speak truth.
Ashley S.
My friend in real life! I love you tons. You sat in the back of that pick-up truck late at night and showed me such realness and surrender. During times like that one I appreciate your ability to honestly show where you’re at and also believe that God is who he says he is. Take heart in that and hold tight. I hate saying goodbye to you but it makes it a little better knowing I get to see how you’ve grown even more after two months. Wear red lipstick more often and think of me when you go to the best coffee shops.
Brandon
We sure have come a long way, haven’t we? I will never forget when you shone your headlamp in my face outside the port-o-potties that last night of training camp and said, “hey, thank you for not giving up on me.” My heart is so happy that you stuck with us and I got to know you truly. So proud of you. Please choose every day to believe in yourself and to trust that you carry the Holy Spirit. You are made up of the things God is. Your dad would be wonderfully proud of you.
Britty Bum
You sneaky little midget. I love every little inch of you, even though that’s not many. I love you more than that. I’m missing your truth-telling gifts. I’m missing your weird dance move. I’m missing your smile and laugh. I’m missing your chicken walk. Who are you going to share your drinks with, now? Who will I share man bun Instagrams with, now? You’re so easy to talk to and share life amongst. Thank you for inspiring me always to be a better version of myself. You’re my favorite Canuck. [see Squad Pod comments below]
Ash
I was just describing you to someone earlier today and my heart got wonderfully happy thinking of you, my friend. You probably won’t, but I’ll miss crawling up to your top bunk in the morning. You know what I’ll miss the most?? That laugh of yours. It’s my favorite. I knew from the beginning that you were a woman to watch, a woman that lives life with grace and steadiness and peace and power. I want what you have because it’s pure Jesus. Someday I’ll sit on the beach in San Clemente and we’ll sip smoothies together. That’s a happy thought. [see Squad Pod comments below]
Anna-Marie
I weirdly professed my love for you on day #4 of the World Race sitting on your bunk bed in the DR. Thanks for not letting that scare you away. I laugh harder when I’m around you. When I think of people in my life that challenge me to be the best version of myself you are the first that comes to mind. Thank you so much for that. You’re someone I’d like to keep for always. Let’s hang out in SacTown next year, drinking Chai, eating pizza and playing with Boris. [see Squad Pod comments below]
Bryan
I love sitting around and sharing old people stories from our careers. You win the People’s Choice Award for Geriatric fans. I want you to know that you are an incredibly gifted leader. You have charisma and wisdom, and you know how to lead and live out of the overflow of your heart and what God has given you. People see all of that in you and respect it all. You are trusted with much because you love other people so well. I’m thankful to have gotten to spend more time with you before I left. [see Squad Pod comments below]
Squad Pod
I found that there were things I could write for all four of you, so I decided to make a separate paragraph. I could write on and on about how much I love you all. You’ve heard what I have to say many times over the past month but you can’t be reminded enough. I BELIEVE SO MUCH IN YOU. I am more than proud to pass the leadership of this squad into your hands. Becoming a 7-person team was the greatest gift while finishing this season. If you forget the incredible things that construct each of you please do not hesitate to ask me. I will gladly remind you. You don’t need my “here’s how you squad lead” advice, but I do want to remind you of this: ENJOY this new season. Don’t forget to have fun with this squad and more importantly with each other. Go out for cheesecake and laugh hard and know that I wish I were there, too. Danielle, Ryan and I are your biggest cheerleaders. I could not have asked for better teammates than you six. SQUAD POD UNITE. Always.
So that’s what I have. I actually have so much more that I could say to each and every one of you, but I’m stepping out on faith that my life with you hasn’t ended. Not a complete goodbye, but a “see you later.” Crying at the airport I decided that I hated that reminder because it didn’t make me feel better, but it’s true. July 28th. I’ll see all of your smiling faces. Don’t act like you’re not excited because I’ll just bear hug you anyways. Until then, I’m only a text message, FB message, Skype call or FaceTime call away.
I love you all. So much. So much more than I ever thought I ever could, and for that I am thankful. Thank you for teaching me/encouraging me/loving me just as much as I could’ve for you. I don’t like the idea of doing daily life without you, but it’s time. Go and do this thing. Do it fantastically well. Do the damn thing.
With ALL my love,
Abby
