FEELS.
That’s the word I would use to describe my current state. I’m sitting in a coffeeshop in Durban, South Africa in the second to last day of our FINAL debrief here all together.
We’ve been reminiscing together about what’s been good and hard and beautiful, celebrating ALL that God has done in and through us, and savoring these precious moments here that we have all together as a squad, which will probably never happen again with all 50 of us this side of heaven.
I am enveloped in emotion, people. Sadness for leaving this community that has become FAMILY to me as I have been away from my own… Curiosity at what will be the next season of my life and what that will look like for me… But I would say thankfulness and excitement are the prevailing emotions spilling out lately. Excitement for going home, excitement for starting a new season of life after this chapter and living out all the Lord has, His strong and kind hand in mine, led me into these past 11 months. Really, I know the Race has just been a compounding work for all of us, the continuation of God’s sculpting us every single year of our lives before this into who we are created to be.
This year I have lost many things (physical and emotionally) that I have forgotten or that the Lord has healed and removed from my life. I have gained INFINITELY more than I have lost or surrendered to Him–a eternal family that was put together in His wisdom, a deeper faith that stands in the midst of unanswered questions and chaotic environments, a heart more in AWE as I have seen prayers answered and miracles happen in the world around us, a Kingdom mindset that desires (despite warring with my flesh and battling sinfulness often..) for Jesus to receive ALL the glory He is so worthy of, and open hands ready to let go of my life and control so that the Lord can use me to love and serve others that they might know Him too no matter where I am or what I am doing!
“And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” -Colossians 3:17
I can’t say I have perfectly clear answers as to what this next season looks like, but I want to give GLORY to the Lord for giving me the peace and grace to TRUST Him! I have many options and opportunities, desires and dreams before me, and I know He already knows where I will be one year from now. SO I will pray and seek wise counsel and trust that He will continue to be my Good Shepherd even if He leaves the decision up to me as to what to do next.
I was have been fasting once a week and asking the Lord for clarity on what to do next in life, and He so kindly began to remind me that I already know SO MUCH about His REVEALED WILL. He reminded me that we KNOW what is required of us:
“Mankind, He has told you what is good and what it is the LORD requires of you: to act justly, to love faithfulness, and to walk humbly with your God.”-Micah 6:8.
So as I continue to ask the Lord to open doors and show me where He wants me, I will NOT be idle and paralyzed. I will even in the waiting continue to seek to bring Kingdom to communities around me, asking the Lord to let His Kingdom come in and through us in our love for each other as His disciples, asking for miracles and big things from Him, and asking for His glory to come and capture people’s hearts to bring them to a repentance and joyful surrender before Him with their lives. THIS is what life is about anyway! Not simply waiting for our lives to “start.” They have begun the moment our hearts were wakened to life by the mercy of Christ as He showed us who He was and that we needed Him! I pray we GET THIS!
Each day, every seemingly mundane task or errand, every interaction with another human being on this earth is an opportunity for adventure, for listening to what the Lord wants us to tell people around us or how He wants us to serve them in those moments. I think it’s an invitation we need to extend to the Lord to infiltrate ALL of our moments and hopes so that in the smallest opportunities we are bearing witness to His goodness and inviting others He created in His image to know Him and taste that goodness as well.
Going home will be a shock to me, I think. So much will be removed from me, and yet I have the opportunity to CHOOSE to continue to walk in everything the Lord has taught me. I have the chance to be a person of influence and change entire environments with the love of the Lord that He has poured into me so overwhelmingly!
Please be praying for me and my squad as we transition back home. We have so much to reflect on and uncharted territory of the future to map out, but we know the Lord is our constant, all-knowing companion in the midst of this.
I can’t WAIT to get home, friends and family, to hear about your year and all you have done and learned, even the smallest details! Tell me about the new shirt you got at Target or the time you got a free coffee at Starbucks! Those small moments matter, and they sound oh so normal after a year of crazy unfamiliarity. I can’t wait to share with you, too, not all that I have done, but all the LORD has done! This year was all for Him, and all that was done was ONLY by His grace and His love compelling us to serve and give and invest in communities all over this world He has created. This year is a small blip in the scheme of forever, yet the things the Lord has done will echo on into eternity, and I am so THANKFUL you were part of it all with your prayers and finances and everything else!
I will have more blogs to write once I get off the field, but this one will work until I hit U.S. soil in less than 2 DAYS!!
See you SOOOOON! 😀
I love you all!
