Here’s a word for you that my team has been using a lot lately: shambley (as in something being “in shambles”). We joke around a lot about little things: you drop your ice cream cone on the sidewalk—shambley! Get toothpaste on your tshirt—shambley. Trying to find a light socket adaptor for the hostel bathroom that doesn’t exist anymore because you accidentally threw it away—shambley….
Also shambley: MONTH 7!
But honestly, this month 7 of the race has been a difficult one for me. For one, I’m realizing I’ve lost my awe for a lot of what we’re doing, which is frustrating for me. I’m here in GREECE, and I find myself complaining about the heat or talking about a burrito I’d like to have back home. I got to be in 3 different countries in 1 week (Albania, Kosovo, Macedonia) before coming here for this month of ministry. I got to visit ATHENS this past weekend, which was AMAZING, and yet, as I climbed the steps to the phenomenal Parthenon, I realized as I was staring at it, I felt unimpressed. I felt hot and tired and zoned. Before I let myself walk around the monument, I forced myself to sit down and pray a moment.
“Lord! What is WRONG with me that I seem to be so disinterested in something so beautiful right in front of my eyes! I have on occasion spent hours on Pinterest and Facebook looking at pictures of beautiful items or places and have felt a longing to be somewhere amazing and have crazy adventures, and in this very moment, why am I unimpressed and less than thankful?!”
I realized the initial excitement of this World Race thing has waned. Isn’t life just like that sometimes? You fall in love and then are surprised when the infatuated, sickening “I want to stare at your face forever, you angel” phase ends and the relationship requires choice and sacrifice. You have an expectation based on an image you’ve been presented of a place or an experience, and without the “Valencia” filter, it somehow seems less dazzling. It’s true that as humans we adapt and adjust to new things. It’s how we move past a stressful state of being and become familiar enough to relax in a situation. But it’s a less than desirable tendency sometimes!
This has happened to me along this journey, and I have especially noticed it this month. Squeezing 7 women in one small room and sharing living and bathroom space with another team of 8 people has been less than my favorite. There seems to be no place to “escape” since we try not to go anywhere alone for safety’s sake. We’ve been doing ATL (ask the Lord) ministry this month, and frankly, the part of me that wants to sit in comfort and not step out and offer someone something for free or start a conversation about Jesus and possibly be rejected, is OVER the awkwardness. I’ve been noticing an especially ugly tendency of mine to be lazy and selfish, serving myself and expecting to be served before I step up and seek to serve these amazing women around me. I have felt so frustrated about that, and in my pride, I didn’t bring it up with my team because I’ve felt like a tantrum-throwing 10 year-old. It took the kindness and boldness of my teammate Anna Beth to penetrate the “don’t talk to me” vibe I was putting off to come and pray with me and and remind me of the truth of Scripture to help me get out of this funk.
It has been humbling to be seen as weak, in shambles, and still be accepted. It has been hard to realize I get BORED with God at times. But I have been reassured as the Lord continues to teach me what it is to CHOOSE Him over these easier things. It’s easier to sleep until our team meeting in the morning instead of waking up to pray and read Scripture. It’s easier to watch a movie or get on Instagram and actually be jealous of people at home in the USA than to BE present where I am and take in the beauty of this city, my teammates, and the physical world around me.
Jesus is SO patient and gracious with me!!
I have come to know Jesus in my life by His own power waking me up to see Him and meet Him. And at this present time I am amazingly finding hope and grace from Him, and for myself, in knowing He WILL continue to wake me up out of these discontent, sleepy, bored states that I fall into sometimes. He will joyfully reveal more and more Himself to me as I seek Him. If I simply ask Him to, He WILL give me a greater desire for HIM than the things of this world that is passing away. He has been awakening in me new affections for Him and for His word and being in prayer, even as I have been realizing I have grown complacent in the “routine” of actually insanely amazing things that have become “normal” to me.
I am asking Him continually to keep me in AWE of Him and in awe of every moment of this opportunity to be overseas doing ministry in beautiful and diverse places with unique, lovely people.
I read this devotional from John Piper a while ago talking about how much we really know God.
The devotional said this, and it convicted me:
“Being infinite, he is inexhaustibly interesting. It is impossible, therefore, that God be boring. His continual demonstration of the most intelligent and interesting actions is volcanic.
As the source of every good pleasure, he himself pleases fully and finally. If that’s not how we experience him, we are either dead or sleeping.
It is therefore astonishing how little effort is put into knowing God.”
I’m not dead, so I must be a little sleepy spiritually lately!!
Effort! DUH! This thing takes effort! You would think I realize that time and time again, but I forget. I forget I live in a body of flesh that wages war against what the Holy Spirit that dwells within me wants.
I forget I am not perfect in this body and won’t be until I see Jesus face to face. I forget things are a little shambley sometimes and that God takes shambles and shines His strength and grace through them as we humbly let Him put those together for His purposes.
I forget I am in this process, and that there is grace and power in the Spirit to abide in Christ and live a life that bears witness to His glory–one submitted to His desires and the establishment of His Kingdom instead of my own.
“His divine power has given us everything required for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us to His own goodness and glory.” -2 Peter 1:3.
So here toward the end of month 7, I am fighting to behold Christ and the beauty in this world around me instead of focusing on my shambles that I can’t gather together and fix on my own anyway. It’s a good, humbling, HELD place to be as I’m trusting Christ to fuel me onward and give me thankful eyes to see every little AMAZING gift He puts before me. And the most amazing gift of all is HIM. Here’s to putting in effort to KNOWING THE ETERNAL GOD each day for the rest of the Race an the rest of my life! He is NOT boring nor will ever be. What a breathtaking privilege. It is not easy, but is WORTH IT; I know that knowing Christ is the only thing that really satisfies, the only place I am truly content.
“He will also strengthen you to the end, so that you will be blameless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful; you were called by Him into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord.” -1 Corinthians 1:8-9.
“He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.” -Colossians 1:17.
As I’m praying the Lord wakes me up to see more of how AMAZING He is, I pray you too would begin to ask yourself if you truly know God, and honestly ask yourself if you even want to get to know God. God can handle that answer, and He can and will instill in you a desire to know Him truly because it’s what we were created for! He will draw you into the breathtaking beauty of relationship with Him and the joy that comes with each moment because HE is in each moment with you. The realization of that PHENOMENAL reality changes everything.
May each of us NEVER lose our wonder of every breath, every moment, and every day that is gifted to us.
Jesus, teach us how to follow You and give You the honor You deserve.
