SO, here’s part 2 of my story on learning about obedience:
The Lord is teaching me CONSISTENTLY that ministry never stops. My life is His and is about what He wants me to walk into each day to bring Him glory and share hope with people He created.
We were in Cambodia about 3 weeks ago toward the end of our time in Siem Reap for our Awakening conference and debrief as a whole squad. One afternoon we had some free time before our session together at night, so a few of us from the squad went into town for some lunch and to try and look around for some cheap souvenirs and tshirts. It is not uncommon, as in the States, for people to come around and ask for money wherever you are. They’re just a little more up front overseas. However, there was one man in particular that I saw from a distance as we were looking through a rack of $3 tank tops. He was in a wheelchair, selling something and had a little sign taped to a box in his lap of those goods he was advertising. I could not read the sign from afar, and didn’t really know what had drawn my attention to him out of all the other people who ask for money on the streets until I heard that sure voice of the Holy Spirit quietly say, “You should go pray for him.” I shook this thought away immediately and my mind seemed to respond with its own questions: what if he doesn’t speak English? I’ll have to try and think of a conversation and segue it into the Gospel or asking if I can pray with him which is a lot… this is so uncomfortable and has the potential to be so awkward…
I continued to wrestle in my mind whether to approach him or not, and a few minutes later, he was gone….
About half an hour later, the 4 of us sat down for lunch at a Cambodian/Italian restaurant for some pizza. I had been going back and forth in my mind with the Lord about obedience, realizing that was NOT what I was walking during those moments and He gently said:
“You’ve asked me for this, Abby.”
He was absolutely right.
I have asked for Him to do this very thing. And I still DO. I ask the Lord for opportunity to share the Gospel and love people around me that He highlights, to interact with those He wants to reach out to. I ask Him to show me what He wants to do practically in that day, and RIGHT HERE He tells me exactly what He wants, and I refuse to act.
Really? I say I want to hear the voice of the Lord, I want to be led by Him and yet there is a conflict there. What am I fearing? And what am I valuing so much above what the Lord is calling me to do that I refuse to do what He is asking? His ways and thoughts and plans are so much higher than my understanding, and oftentimes I am unwilling to trust that and jump into discomfort and circumstances where I don’t know what to expect. At the root, I think I fear looking like a fool, as shallow as that sounds. I seek approval and acceptance naturally, and any threat to gaining or maintaining that makes me fearful and paralyzed like this when the Lord so CLEARLY asks me to act on behalf of Him. I felt defeated for a moment, frustrated that ‘I do what I do not want’ as the apostle Paul so accurately describes in Romans … And the Lord in His grace reminds me that He is in these moments with me when I feel I have failed Him. There is nothing to earn in our relationship. He reminds me that this fear is something He wants to address and remove so that I can most freely love others and give glory to Him.
Being inwardly settled by the truth He was speaking, we finished our lunch. Around that time, I looked to the right of the patio where we were sitting, and the man was going by us again! He stopped near us a few tables away to talk to some other people, and I saw that he was trying to sell some paintings. I KNEW the fact that he wound up in the same area as our group again was the Lord wanting me to be bold and let Him reach out to this man by my “seeing” him and taking the time to pray with him. Thankful for this opportunity the Lord gave AGAIN, and still a little nervous, I let the girls at my table know I felt the Lord wanted me to talk to this man, and I headed in his direction.
I greeted him in Khmer, and with very little English, he said his name was *Song and explained he was a painter. He said that he was in a wheelchair because he was handicapped as a child. As I looked at his paintings, I saw that he painted himself into each of the pictures, in a wheelchair nonetheless, but he was living life fully—fishing in one picture, climbing a tree to get some coconuts in another. I LOVED that this man didn’t allow his disability to keep him from dreaming or seeing himself as able to enjoy life in this way. His artwork was beautiful, and I decided to buy a few paintings to take back home. I asked this man eventually if he had heard of Jesus, Yesu Crist in Khmer, and he said “yes.” I felt led to pray not only that this man would come to know Jesus personally, that someone could explain the Gospel to him in Khmer so that he could truly understand, but that the Lord would heal his legs.
Side note: One of the awesome leaders working with Adventures is named Gary Black, and he had just been speaking to us about this at the Awakening conference. What IF we were bold enough to start to ask the Lord for miraculous things? What IF we stepped out in faith and prayed that as we lay hands on the sick and ask our Father to heal them that He would? What if He actually did? There’s no way we’ll know or see these things happen if we don’t step out and actually pray for them to happen. As Jesus says to Martha in John 11 before He raises Lazarus from the dead: “…Didn’t I tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?’”
With this in mind, in the way that Song saw himself as capable to live life and do great things in his paintings, I prayed that the Lord would make that a reality by His power and for His glory. I prayed for a miracle for Song—that his legs would be healed physically, either now or in heaven, to work in the way they had been intended to work, but more importantly I prayed for the miracle that his heart would be made alive as he accepts the finished work of Jesus, forgiveness of sins, victory over death and sin, and follow Jesus with Him as his treasure and hope. Song thanked me for praying, and I thanked him for allowing me to, knowing this moment was destined by the Lord to reach him. It was also absolutely meant to affect my own heart by creating opportunity to trust the Lord and walk in obedience. The Lord sees everything, sees outside of time, and He has orchestrated each day of our lives. The Lord knows better than I do. What a life of adventure I can have here and anywhere for the rest of my life as I listen for the voice of the Lord, trusting His goodness, trusting His heart to want to reveal Himself and rescue people from separation from Him, trusting my identity is rooted in Him and that because of His eternal acceptance of me, WHAT DOES IT MATTER about any opinion other than His?!
I am thankful to the Lord for His patience with me as He is pulling the weeds of fear of man out of my heart that keep me from being free and following Him in reverent and trusting obedience. He gives us grace, He answers prayers in perfect timing, He sets divine appointments, and He is GOOD in pursuing people! He pursues me as one already belonging to Him, and He pursues the lost sheep like Song whom He longs to join the flock.
(Song and I in Siem Reap. See his amazing painting?!)
Opportunities to see people and hear their stories and share the Lord’s love for them are EVERYWHERE! I hope the Lord leads you to walk into some amazing divine appointments of your own, and I hope to share some more beautiful stories with you soon!!
