I came to Romania expecting nothing. I entered into this country with an apathetic and uninterested heart. I cried with my team the first week here, expressing to them how I felt so empty and depressed in this place. The Romanian people I met on the street were just strangers to me, instead of potential friends like they had been in countries before. I was irritable and nonsocial and so completely not myself.
I knew coming on the World Race that saying goodbye to people I fell in love with in each country would be hard. I prepared myself for the tears that would come waving goodbye to precious people, knowing I would not see them again. The sadness was no surprise, but my guarded and untouchable heart in month nine was.
Its month nine, and honestly. I am just plain old tired. Every thirty days, a major adjustment rushes in slapping me in the face, taking away my new found comfort, and forcing me to leave the people I’ve given my heart to. You’d think by now I should be used to this, but despite the familiarity of this process, month nine was my hardest to settle into. I was over it.
It takes me about four days to really settle into a place, to “nest” if you will. But at eleven days in, my pack sat in the very place I put it on move-in day, untouched as if I was about to leave again. And my heart remained in that same condition.
It wasn’t until a beautiful moment sitting in the kitchen with a gypsy woman named Anita that I really “unpacked” myself into this place. We were welcomed into her brightly colored kitchen and suddenly I knew that God was up to something special. This caught me pretty off guard, because I was not hearing from God for several days and I was pretty sure He had never heard of this town we were staying in.
But to my surprise, God started showing off, making Himself known in the room and softening the heart of this woman who was about to feel His presence, maybe the first time. I was sitting on the couch when all of the sudden my eyes are filling with tears and I was urged by the Lord to share with her some things that God was telling me. I was able to declare the shame on her life to be gone in Jesus’ name and held her hand as tears ran down her face.
While I spoke words of truth and encouragement to her, He was gently revealing truth to my heart as well. I could hear Him telling me He saw my heartbreak that came from opening myself to people I will leave, but the gift of loving people like Anita makes it so completely worth it. I left her house that day feeling more love and passion for the people here than I could have imagined.
My bags and my heart were uppacked that day, as I surrendered my heart for the people of Romania. So here I am Romania, my heart is yours for the taking. I will give my full effort to make a difference here and not consider this month just a stepping stone till the end of this race. I am unpacked and completely open to be surprised by a place I didn’t expect to love.
{A special thanks to Kris and Doug Cristophel who were here this week and were able to share this moment with me. Thank you both for your support and love to me and our squad as we overcome ourselves while learning to be fully surrendered. Love you guys!}
