I decided not to write a general post summarizing training camp, because so many of my squad mates have done such an excellent job of doing that! Also, training camp was a 10 day bucket showering, tent sleeping, squad mate bonding, heart squeezing, Jesus loving experience and writing about all that at once would take a year for me.
So i decided to write about something specific The Lord did in my heart at training camp. I didn’t even know this needed to be done in me, but praise The Lord that God knew exactly what i needed.
Leading up to training camp I was praying for God to reveal to me what he wanted change in my heart. I kept hearing Him tell me that i needed to be freed from caring so unbelievably much about what others thought of me. I thought it was silly and i wasn’t hearing Him correctly due to the fact that i thought i was already free from that. I thought I was too confident to care about what others thought about me. turns out, i was wrong.
on the very first night of training camp God was telling me that i was walking in my own confidence and not resting in the confidence He could provide. I was confused, and I never knew i was struggling with this because i have always been a naturally confident person, not one thing in particular… just a general confidence in day to day (comfortable) activities. But my own confidence is exactly what God wanted to free me of.
God showed me that my confidence would only suffice when i was doing the things i wanted to do, and as many of you know, following Jesus requires us to do a lot of things we dont want to do! While walking in the confidence my own flesh could provide, i would be fine until The Lord would call me to do something out of my comfort zone. Then i would FREAK OUT, so consumed with what others would think if i was obedient to The Lord in his calling. This was such an unhealthy mindset that allowed me to only do things that i knew others would approve of! The only problem is that the world crucified Jesus, so if i am acting like him, chances are the world isn’t gonna like me either. The only way to move past being rejected by the world is to find my identity in Christ and be confident in the fact that I am His daughter.
I told Jesus the second night of training camp that i really didn’t know what it meant, and i knew it was going to be a process, but i wanted to exchange the filthy rags of my confidence in for the Holy, unbeatable, forever stable confidence that he could provide. The kind of confidence that was okay with being rejected by the world. Since then God has blown me away with the change in mindset He has given to me.
My confidence says: I can walk into this room confidently because i have on a good outfit and i know enough people to not stand alone.
The Lord’s confidence says: I can walk into ANY room because i am a child of The Living God and no one can shake that.
My confidence says: I can speak one on one, but speaking in front of a group is too much and ill have an anxiety attack.
The Lord’s confidence says: I can speak whenever and wherever The Lord calls me to speak. He will give me to the words and the heart calming peace.
My confidence says: I can go on the World Race because i will be a part of a gospel sharing team that will enable me to be bold as well. I can do it because i will have communication with home when i need it. I can do it because i can be brave if i need to be.
The Lord’s confidence says: I can go on the World Race because i have a Heavenly authority and i carry the power of Jesus with me. I am a daughter of the King of the Universe and He loves me deeply. I will do anything he wants me to do, because He will give the strength i need.
I never wanna walk in my weak, self produced confidence again. I wanna walk in the kind of confidence that allows The Lord to use to me advance His Kingdom, no matter what the world does to me.
