Let me preface this entry added below by saying that this is not at all a picture of what life is like on the race all the time. I debated back and forth with myself if I should post this, because I know it’s not such a pretty picture. Some of these words aren’t the sort of thing you would see in a World Race promotional video or in a support letter. It’s just a slice of real life and a shout out to all my fellow racers out there persevering and going strong.
The race is hard, but it’s worth it. And there are more hidden treasures than you think in each new place you go.
Below is something I wrote, just a few days ago, before remembering that truth:
May 22, 2014
What do you do when you’re at a lost for all well-meaning words? When you are done saving face and tired of living out of a backpack, going from one from one place to another? What do you do when you want to pull away emotionally from your squad, because you don’t want it to hurt so bad when you know you have to say goodbye in just nine weeks?
What do you do when you are over this whole thing and the only way to it works to ease the emotion of it all is to pour yourself into task-oriented, emotionless objective planning, of any possible kind—from the day’s schedule to plans after the race. Admittedly, the idea of drafting cover letters and polishing up my resume for after the race seems rather comforting. What gets me is not the time when we are doing our ministry or volunteer work from day to day, it’s the in between time. It’s the longing for a sense of home while spending almost a year of my life living in a different country every month. I realize that living in 11 different countries in one year sounds amazing, but I hate to say it, sometimes it’s just not.
There are times when there is no going around the World Race, only through it.
This is the part when the World Race is no longer a pretty picture. If this were a blog, it probably wouldn’t get re-posted, and if this were a snapshot in Instagram, most people would probably just scroll right past this one, thinking that familiar thought we all admittedly think sometimes: “Glad that’s not me.” Gaining likes on Instagram or earning some kind of popular vote on social media are not at all the reasons I write blogs or share my experiences from the race online. But if I were set in a cartoon of sorts right this second, there would be a rain cloud over my head as I sit alone in this coffee shop right now.
The thing is, I really have enjoyed so many different parts of the race, and I am sad to have to let my squad go after not getting to know some of them as well as I would have liked.
This has been over a 2-year process, since I first started planning for the race. I know I have grown so much in so many different ways. Now I am at this weird place of wondering what’s next, but also trying to stay present and in the moment in these last few days in Vietnam, for a month in the Philippines and then three weeks in Indonesia.
I don’t have a lot of resolution in writing this really, except this one request, God, please help me through this.
This was how I was doing emotionally, just a few days ago. Since then, I have had more rest and time alone with the Lord and my Bible. Through this time, I am learning to find more joy and more hidden treasures in this journey, little surprises like taking a few extra moments to admire God’s breath-taking creation around me and really getting to know the beautiful, unique people I get to meet in each new culture every month.
In years past, I have looked forward, with more drive and more anticipation, to shorter mission trips than these nine weeks left on this trip in Asia. I remember when I was in 6th grade, our class spent months preparing for a week long trip to El Paso, Texas and Juarez, Mexico. I remember dreaming about being a missionary one day, that somehow God would combine my love of the arts with reaching people around the world. And now, before I even realized it, He has already done it.
Upon leaving for the race, I was secretly hoping for a chance to be creative in a ministry setting. And now after working on three large mural projects, teaching a fashion design class, sewing a dress for one of our ministry hosts and after writing a few songs and even worship leading with my incredible squad mates, I can say with such gratitude that God has surpassed my expectations. I am overwhelmed with how well God has taken care of me, and how He notices even the little things. At this point, it’s just like He’s showing off how amazing He is and how much He loves me. He keeps giving me more and more opportunities to be creative, and it just keeps getting better and better. I am so amazed.
Though the World Race will be over soon, we are still flying at cruising altitude. No slowing down now! I chose to be here—fully here—for 11 months through all 11 countries, and I can’t wait to see what treasures lie around the corner.
