Life on the Race is definitely different from my life back in the States. Since beginning this journey, I have noticed a change in perspective.
After graduating from college, very reasonable yet haunting expectations for myself has lingered in the back of my mind. I am sure it’s natural, and arguably, to an extent, it’s healthy. But for me, it became this gnawing pressure, especially after working so hard in college for five years. Inadequacy set in soon after graduating. I was unsettled by the vast expanse between where I wanted to go and where I saw myself in life. I clearly remember that pressure for myself to have more answers for myself sooner rather than later.
And I say “remember”, because my perspective has already started to change here in China…
Maybe this is already an obvious component to a trip like this, but one of the strongest ingredients of the World Race is the community. The culture of this squad is very group-oriented. If there is something one of us wants to do, we check with the group. If the direction of the day changes from what you might expect, it’s because of a change in the group. At first this way of doing things was very frustrating to me. I like to plan my day. I like to know what to expect. But now that old way of seeing things is starting to expire, like old fruit you just want to throw away and never see again.
I’ve held on too long to that need for control, and now I am learning to let go day by day. Here I can see that God’s plan is bigger than my preferences, especially when it comes to relationships.
There are people with me on this squad that God put in my life a reason. I have experienced a newness and a freshness that comes only through friendships with people that I probably would not have picked for myself, if not being on the Race. That is the beauty of this trip: God continues to bring me into situations beyond my control. He is leads me to bring more of the real me to the table. And in so doing, I am learning to lean more on the strengths of those around me, rather than just my own.
Who would have thought that letting go of control meant life feeling bigger, not smaller?
I really want this process to keep going. I want my life to be directed much more by the relationships that God has for me, rather than my own personal plan for my life. Sure, there are certain things I want to accomplish in life. But now I can feel my approach changing. I want to take more of those small, continuous little steps of faith, even if I don’t exactly know where it leads.
I am starting to lose my taste towards trying to control certain things in my life…
I am walking away from that need to strive for a clear, calculated road to success…
I am letting go of the need for certain questions that I have to be answered right now …
There is something I have learned here China that needs to sink in deeper before I make any plans for myself after this trip around the world:
God is leading my life through relationships though the relationships He is planting in my life. And right now, that’s all I need to know.
