We’re at the end of our month of just women and it has been a once in a lifetime opportunity that I’m sad to see go, but at the same time there are definitely some things that I’m not sad to be rid of. Something that has been really hard for me this month is listening to all of the women that I live with talk about how they hate their bodies. They hate that they have some extra fat here or freckles there or stretch marks on their arms or big feet or whatever it is that they don’t like about themselves and after the discovery of an old mirror on our front porch one morning, the self deprecating comments only got worse. I’ve heard countless complaints about how thighs that never touched now rub together uncomfortably or how there are newly formed love handles peeking out over the tops of jeans or that arms jiggle a little more than they used to, but I never hear anything positive being said about anyone’s own body.
Body image is something that I have struggled with my entire life and it’s not something I like to talk about. It’s really difficult because it’s such a deep issue for me, but I can’t ignore it anymore because it affects so much of my view of life and how I see others and the world and how I imagine they see me. If you spend more than five minutes with me, you will probably notice that I’m not a woman who is comfortable in her own skin, but until this month I thought I’d had a pretty good grasp at working toward that comfort-ability. I have spent this month with 13 beautiful women who don’t see their own beauty and that makes me even more self-conscious. If they can’t see how beautiful they are, how can I expect them to see me as beautiful in any way shape or form? Especially when they are so much more beautiful by society’s standards than I am?
Over the past year and a half, I have started to look at physical appearance in a whole new way and even though it hasn’t really sunk in yet, it has definitely helped me to start to view myself as a beautiful woman both inside and out. For starters, the Lord has provided me with a body to do what He asks of me. He has given me legs that may not be the longest or most slender, but they take me where He leads. He has given me arms that are not as toned as I would like, but they let me hug the people He has called me to comfort. He has given me a smile that isn’t as stunningly white as some people’s, but it lets me brighten someone’s day with a flash. He’s given me two hands with fingers that are a little stubby, but they come in “handy” when I hold the hand of a little kid who just wants to be loved. I could go on and on about different parts of my body that I’m not 100% satisfied with, but to do that is a slap in the face to God who has formed me and created me to be exactly who I am. This is a recurring message that I have been learning on the Race and it’s not an easy one to get through my head.
Spending the last few weeks listening to all these beautiful women cut themselves down every chance they get has been really difficult for me and I want them to realize that outward appearances don’t matter as much as the world makes it seem like they do. It seems a little ridiculous that I’m the one saying this when it’s a daily struggle for me to believe, but it’s really important to me that these women that I love also love themselves. I know it’s not easy and I have to work towards that same goal every single day of my life, but until I love myself and feel comfortable in my own skin I will never be able to fully do what God asks of me. I can’t love others with my whole heart and live my life completely for the Lord if I don’t love all of His creations, including myself. This is something that I want to challenge not only the women of N Squad to do, but something that I want to challenge every single person that reads this to do. Compliment yourself. Pick out things you love about yourself. Encourage yourself. Someone told me to do this once and I thought it was the stupidest thing I’d ever heard, but I’ve noticed that when I do it for myself, it makes it a little easier to stop comparing myself to others and love who I have been created to be, no matter what the world has to say about it.
1 Samuel 16: 7 “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
