Something that God has really been impressing on me this month is that I am paid for. This could have something to do with the fact that I've celebrated Easter three times this year, but it's a concept I'm realizing that I've never fully grasped. The idea that Jesus would lay down His life for me, a 22 year old girl who messes up more things than she gets right, just kind of blows my mind. I've known this for my entire life, but for some reason, it's really beginning to sink in right now. Jesus has taken so many measures to ensure that everything I have done and everything I will ever do is taken care of. I have no debt, nothing to pay. Everything is taken care of and there's nothing I can do to repay Him. That's hard for me. I hate owing people or feeling like they're always going to have something over me. It's not ok for other people to do more for me than I can do for them, but in this case I just have to embrace it.
One of my teammates talked to me about the story of Mary and Martha a few days ago and I don't think he meant for it to make me think as much as it did, but it's been on my mind ever since. If you don't know, in this story, Jesus comes to visit two sisters named Mary and Martha. Martha makes herself busy trying to prepare everything for Jesus to eat and trying to make everything perfect so that He will approve of her and her house while Mary just sits at the feet of Jesus and listens to what He has to say. My teammate told me that he has seen me be more of a Mary this month than I usually am, but that I have that potential to slip back into my mindset of Martha. I like to do things. I like to work hard so that I feel like I've earned something. I hate feeling like I'm taking more than I'm giving, but that's not how we're supposed to look at things. Sometimes we're just supposed to sit at the feet of Jesus and embrace the fact that He has done more for us than we will ever be able to do for Him. Sometimes we just need to realize that we are paid for and that we can do nothing more than love it.
