Out of Control

So how do I break myself free? How do I begin this journey? How can I move from looking at my own
reflection to God’s reflection? It is hard
to be honest and to see the depth of my sin. When at times I think I revolve around love, joy, patience, kindness, I
am a sinful person and revolve around, pride, greed and foolishness. It’s not God who fully controls my life, as I
desire but myself that creeps inside to gain control.

            I began my
Sunday morning like every other Sunday in the country of Africa, getting picked
up an hour and a half late. So one would
think that you would lose the sense to control your day but that was not the
situation. This day from the beginning
was a day that seemed out of my reach for control but I fought it to hard. As
we ride along the bumpy road we are informed of the schedule of the day. “Each person is going to teach for thirty
minutes, then two people will speak for forty-five minutes and then we can have
question time.” Instantly my mind turned
into control mode. I will speak for
thirty minutes and then maybe do some questions and then I will be done. I told myself that there was no way I could
speak for thirty minutes and then turn around and speak for forty-five minutes. Lets just say the day looked nothing like the
control I thought I had on my day.

            But isn’t
this when I realize my selfish desire and change. I only wish, it’s even when I recognize my
motivation is by selfishness then I find myself exposed and wanting
control. The more I wanted to control my
day the more out of control my day became. 

            So as I
look at my day and see that I allow my flesh control more of my decisions then
giving the responsibility to the Lord. I
have realized that when I entrust Him with all that is in His control, and I am
then able to focus on things he has given me responsibility of.  Like sharing the Love of Christ.