Deer in the Headlights
So, our plane landed and we went through the long line for residents of the United States to re-enter the country. I stood in line with giddy excitement, yet forlorn resentfulness that I would soon part with my entire squad. The reality coming more and more to fruition as I took another step.
I got through, picked up my bag and gave a few hugs before going through customs and walking out into a hulabaloo of emotions.
I heard my name from Mama C and Pappy, our squad parents, and rushed to give them hugs, as we haven't seen them since our debrief in Thailand! I, then, got to meet Jake's parents, Julie and John Hilderbrand, and it was more hugging. Many squad-mates had to rush off quickly to catch connecting flights, which saddened me completely.
I saw some squad-mates with their parents who arrived in New York to spend time with them, or with friends and was so happy for them, yet as the squad began to disperse from that arrival exit gate, I began to miss them already. Finally, my heart sank as I simply said, "They're gone. My family is gone now and I don't know the next time ALL sixty-one of us will ever be together again. They're gone! Daddy, they're gone…I never thought this moment would come. I never wished it to come, I wanted them to stay around me forever. Oh Lord, comfort me for only you are left. Stay with me as I move forward! Thank you! I love you!"
My family!
He answered that prayer a few hours later for my plans included staying with a World Race alum's family and at that moment had to wait for her father to come pick me up. A very intense thing to get off of a year of going into the headlights and not knowing what's going to happen, and then to just be caught in new headlights once again. The analogy of a deer caught in the headlights fails to compare to the emotions coursing through my body during this waiting game on my own.
I did get to wait for a little while with my squad-mate, Tracy Horne, until she got picked up, but then I was on my own, praying for God to provide. He answered! At one point, I saw a man in his car waiting at the light before the 'Passenger Pick-Up' section looking around. I waited, unsure if this was the person I was waiting for, so I walked to the other end after he had left and sure enough, he asks about me and my heart leaped with joy at the provision of God. So, now I am staying with an amazing family of a World Race alum, who have opened their home and lives to me for the next two days. I go home on September 2nd to see my family with a lot less fatigue and jet-lag for I get to rest up before the flight.
Thank you God for your provision! I love you! S-Squad…I miss you already! 😀
Bethsaida (from P-Squad) and I atop the Empire State Building
