Loss for Words
So, I would love to tell you that I have figured everything out and I am on a road with the Lord to bring about great change to this world; however, I must confess that my thoughts, my ideas, my prayers, my words, my pen, they are ALL jumbled and a mess. I cannot figure out where my heart is, nor where I'm supposed to be. It's a complete enigma right now.
I say all this because I have read 'The Barbarian Way' by Erwin McManus recently, and I am currently reading 'A Hole In Our Gospel' by the President of World Vision U.S., Richard Stearns and I have been MESSED UP. I have been reading about what it really looks like to serve God and give whole-heartedly to His Kingdom work in this world. I am constantly reminded of my pit-falls and shortcomings, as well as those of the Christian community as a whole, especially that of the American Church. We have dropped the ball completely and my heart is burdened for the whole world.
I know one thing and that is that I am called to every nation. It sounds weird, but I'm called to serve every nation, specifically America and its youth. It is time for the nation of wealth to rise up and take a stand against the injustice of this world. We give so little of ourselves, thinking of nothing but the 'American Dream'. I am putting to death this 'American Dream' for myself and going to go after 'Christ's Dreams' of a unified body of believers. Cambodia has shown me a lot in just a short while, and I can NEVER go back to the way I was.
To better relate where my heart exactly is, I am going to share a poem I actually was able to write the other day. It is called 'Under a Canopy' and basically I have been struggling to gather my thoughts collectively that I have barely been able to write, which if you look at the amount I've written in previoius months, then you would know this is not like me. Here you go:
Under a Canopy
Under a canopy of stars,
I walk in the rice fields
In awe and amazement
Of all God's creation yields.
Under a canopy of leaves,
Lost in thought and wonder
Of why my words are few–
I'm afraid to ponder.
Under a canopy of love,
My mind a swirl of words
I fear I cannot catalog them–
The Dewey Decimal cannot connect cords.
At a loss of what to say,
Not sure what to feel
Afraid to lose the passion
And the balance of the even keel.
Under a canopy of grace,
I set my thoughts at His feet,
He will direct the symphony
And I will be on the edge of my seat.
Basically, I'm in His midst and waiting for Him to put all the pieces together, until then, I sit and rest in Him!
Know that Cambodia is gorgeous and teaching English, songs and dances to children and youth is actually quite fun and I'm enjoying it immensely. Keep us in your prayers please and stay tuned for the next blog, maybe I'll have a little clearer picture of what my mind is racing through. Love you all!!
Also, our day off tomorrow will be spent in Phnom Penh and we are going to visit the Genocide Museum and The Killing Fields, as well as some other things. Awesomeness!!
