Untapped Power…
I sit here contemplating how to form the words in my mind and how to express to you the depths of my heart from what has transpired with my squad at debrief in Hua Hin. It has been 5 days since we left for Malaysia and I have yet to formulate the words. I'm not sure how honest and raw I wish or even need to be, in order to express the events that have transpired.
First, I guess I can apologize for I will not have a blog of me getting my tattoo of my dragon, since that event did NOT transpire. It happened for a reaons and God knows that reason. I will rest in Him and in His peace about the situation. I know that it wasn't the right time, just yet. Also, I do not have access to the video of my team's performance in the karaoke competition that our squad held on the last night. Just know that we didn't win and I forgot the last two lines of my part, as I got completely turned around to where we were in the song. (Abby, Tim and Lauren…please go to Annalisa's Facebook page, I believe it is up there. :-D).
Second, I am definitely going to be real and raw with the remainder of this blog and I know that many that are in America will be shocked and unsure of what I type here. The America church (not the entirety of it) suffers from a system I will call 'Boxism'…you see 'Boxism' is where we try to put (and keep) God in a box so we don't have to face the fact that we aren't doing the things He asks of us. We portray the things of Holy Spirit power to be extremism and untouchable if you want to live a 'civilized' life. I laugh at this thought…it is by Holy Spirit that we are empowered to live a life for the King, to live a life free of condemnation and of wearisome works that get us no-where without His presence.
So, at the end of February 2011, sixty-one men and women of God known as S-Squad came together in Hua Hin, Thailand to worship the King of Kings and speak life over one another, in order to combat the darkness witnessed throughout the month. Worship with S-Squad is always something I long for throughout our time apart…there is just something about it to when I can hear the voices of my brothers and sisters and be able to join in un-restrainingly. It is pretty much epic at all times!
This time around was something special though for we not only got our Coaches (squad parents) in Mama C and Pappy to come visit us, but also Michael and Kathleen Hindes, Sean Smith, and Jimmy McCarty (WR staff) to meet us where we were and pour themselves out on us to fill us up with God's love. We prayed for each other, prophesied over one another, and just plain out rocked it! Michael, Sean, and Jimmy gave teaching sessions and imparted wisdom upon us about the WR and why the culture is the way it is. The World Race (WR) operats in a pattern of abandonment, brokenness, dependency, empowerment, calling and confirmation. It is in these six steps that we are able to become the men and women God originally created us to be.
One morning we piled into Mama C and Pappy's suite (all 67 of us) and just flat our worshipped. The air was electric with God's presence and I probably would have laid prostrate on the ground before Him if there had been room. Either way, Jimmy ended up getting a Word from the Lord that we were a squad that needed to 'SPEAK' up and step into the boldness that we so desire. The last day night then had Mama C say that that was our squad, not just S-Squad, but 'Speak-out Squad'…I fully believe that that is what our squad is stepping into. It is a beautiful thing!
Another part of our debrief time was spent in prophesying over one another. For those stuck inside their confined box, prophesy is the edifying and encouragement of the body of Christ. You may want to say, 'well that doesn't exist anymore, that was just for that time period.' I will reply, 'prove it.' In that, we had a chance to be prophesied over and one I wish to share is from my brother, Greg…he said he got 'power' when praying to the Lord about me and that that 'power' represents an untapped power that resides within me, ready to be plugged into and released upon the earth. I believe this is true, because it goes in line with quite a few other words I've gotten since the beginning of this journey.
1 Corinthians 13 talks about how that which is perfect comes, then prophesy, tongues, and knowledge will cease; however, the perfect has yet to come and so these three are still prevalent today and still necessary. In that, I will be bold and tell you that I have seen visions and have been able to prophesy over my brothers and sisters on the squad, as well as those I've met on this trip. I have also been able to prophesy over places we have gone and declare His Truth over them with a sure and clear voice, not hesitant, but firm and strong in God. In the same manner, I will tell you that I can pray in tongues and when the Lord prompts me to do so over my brethren or over a place that I pray over, then I will do so. Tongues is also for the edification of the speaker, to encourage and strengthen the speaker when things get dark…I believe that is why mostly when we are going around that it occurs without a second notice. If He calls me to do it before a group of people, then He will provide an interpretation of the words, unless it is within my family of S-Squad, in which it will occur naturally in their hearts and spirit. I've seen this occur. I do not say these things to boast, rather I say them in order to step into that boldness that our squad has so wonderfully felt called to step into. I am NOT ashamed of who I am, nor of who He has created me to be.
One night I ended up on the roof of the hotel and took my glasses off to watch the city. I watched the lights of the city pulsate in my unclear vision and in due time I squinted…the Lord then spoke, 'My Son, why do you squint so hard to see these things?? Why are you impatient in letting me work in my time??'
I wept. You see, I have been trying to see the things of the unseen for a long time now, squinting with all my might in hopes of not missing it; however, God gently reminded me that His timing is perfect and all I need to do is be willing when the time is right. I told this to my squad leader, Scotty, and to Pappy and they both had some words for me. Scotty told me that I need to learn how to be loved, for I love like the Father, but I have yet to be able to just rest and be loved the way that He and even my squad wish to love me. Pappy then told me that I was in search of the true man of God I really am and once I figure that out and am able to rest in that, then I will be unstoppable for the King.
So, all this to say, I am in a broken place. My heart aches for the things I've seen and yet to see, and my mind has yet to be able to fully grasp everything that I have encountered. I am in the place where the Lord needs me and right now I lay myself before the Lord and rest…I rest in the assurance of His love and mercy, of His power and grace that resonate and reside within my soul. I am where I am needed and nothing can change that! I am headed into that dependency stage, which will probably involve another round of abandonment and brokenness…dependency is where you depend on God for everything!
Thank you for your prayers and support! I greatly appreciate it! Stay tuned to find out what my team is doing in Bukit Metarjam, Malaysia. Much love!!
check out those beard-tails!!
