I am currently in the process of reading Seth Barnes' book Kingdom Journeys. I am very much in like with it. In month 10 of my race I am tired and restless. When constant travel and moving becomes your normal it is easy to disengage your heart from your actions. Like going through the motions. Even on a kingdom journey like mine it is like that. I can see the finish line and I have to make a conscious effort to not check out every five seconds. This book is refreshing and reminding my of the kingdom journey I set out on in January. It is reminding me why I abandoned everything I knew in America to spend 11 months with 33 other people that I didn't know before this. It tells stories of things I encounter here in Cambodia as well as things I have experienced on this journey until this point.
As the book talks about the gift of restlessness in our lives I remember the feeling well because I experienced it just hours ago. I am restless.
Restless from travelling.
Restless from sharing a bed all the time.
Restless from handwashing my clothes.
Restless from lack of control in what ministry I will do.
Restless from teaching English for the 6th week in a row.
Restless from people always being sick.
My squad has heard the stories about other squads being just tired and exhausted when they get to month ten. We didn't and still don't want to be like that. Our desire as a squad is to press in until the last moment possible. It is not as easy as it sounded back in month four when we met some other racers in month eleven. I know that for myself and many other racers who are preparing our return to the States in December we are getting restless on the race.
The thing I have found about restlessness though is that restlessness usually happens right before God blows your mind in taking you to another level of abandon and dependence on Him. The journey doesn't always look the way we think it will, but eventually we will come to a place of restlessness in the next level and God will be ready to blow our minds again with His depth and blessings. This is where choice comes in. We can choose to stay restless or to go to that next level with the Lord. His desire obviously is for us to go deeper, so we can experience the fullness of what he has for us in that season.
Recently the kingdom journey I am on has felt much more like kingdom wandering. Like the Israelites. They wandered around in the desert before the Lord took them into their promised land. They were ultimately on a kingdom journey but they had to wander for a while. They had to wander in the desert in complete reliance and dependence so that when it was truly time God would give them their inheritance and lead them into their promised land. I feel like I am in the wandering stage. Not wandering away from God or His will for me in this moment, but just wandering around waiting for my inheritance and my promised land. While I wander I get to do some cool things.
In my restless wandering I still get to do things that bring kingdom to the communities I get to be a part of for just a short time. Whether that is teaching English or holding half naked babies in the slums of Kampong Cham. It is all beautiful and glorifying and honoring to God, and there is a reason I'm still wandering. I am just so excited for the day I get to walk into my promised land and see what it holds.
Just remember "Not all who wander are lost."
Much love,
-A
